First Date No - No's

Let me tell you about some of the incidents I've endured while living out my apparent Karma... One thousand first dates.

1. Listening ad nauseam about the ex wife/ex girlfriend.
2. Watching as he proceeds to get drooling, slobbering drunk.
3. Ignoring such misguided compliments as: "You are so totally fuckable." and "I like watching leave, but I'd rather watch you come."
4. Having to meet and pretend I like his entire social circle... on the first date?!
5. Being lectured to about the health risks of smoking.
6. Being asked if my hair is mine, or a weave. (It's mine by the way!)
7. Having to patiently say 'No', when asked if he can spend the night at my place.
8. Being invited to Florida, all expenses paid for two weeks in December (On the first date?!)


Oh, there's more but to be truthful, it's too depressing to write.

I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with men today? I mean, are they ALL nucking futs or what?

To be clear, there have been some first dates which didn't go as badly as those above; for instance Dude (who we all agreed didn't look like a dude), but still lacked whatever that unarticulated something we call chemistry is.

Here's another truth. I could probably have a date twice a day, every day for the next year and still not find anyone I'd be interested in.

I've come to the conclusion that, sadly, I'm simply not available emotionally. It's just that simple. And whether I want to admit it or not... and whether you want to hear it or not, the obnoxious truth of the matter is, I'm emotionally unavailable because I am still in love with that most heinous Dickhead whom we all love to hate.

I think I've come to realize that time is the only thing that will cure me. I've searched for the cure in others, and that isn't fair to me or them. Time will either kill me or cure me. I'm not sure which.

In the meantime, I am satisfied ... no, satisfied isn't the right word. I'm happy with my self imposed celibacy. It makes life much less complicated.

I think I will retire my ad.