Today's Journal Entry

This is a duplicate of what I wrote in my paper journal:

"Know what? I haven't written anything here in a few days because every day
it's the same old shit. I'm so tired of living it, that I can't bear to
write it. When I have something new to tell, I will come back and write it.

And so it goes. Every day I wake up, make the same cup of coffee, do the same puttering, watch the same shit on TV, receive the same morning phone calls. Then I may or may not have to leave the house for work. When I do, it's a blessing. When I don't, the minutes become hours and the hours feel like days.

I guess you could say I'm in a rut. A very boring, monotonous, poke your eye out with a knitting needle rut.

Yesterday's high point was going with my friend Sandie to Oncology, waiting 90 minutes, and then being told that she doesn't need chemotherapy. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy she got good news; but the point remains, waiting in that god-awful place was about the high point of my day yesterday.

I think what bothers me most is the nagging, unrelenting feeling that I'm wasting precious days of my life... Just letting days go by that one day, I'll cry to have back.