On Dating...

So I meet this new guy from the online dating service. He seems to meet my meager criteria for a meeting. We decide to meet for lunch.

I see him pull in to the parking lot (because I am there 30 minutes early so I can watch him pull into the parking lot.) He stands outside his car scoping out the parking lot, trying to spot me. We play the "Who's going to walk in first" game. Finally, I get annoyed, and walk in. He comes walking in very close behind me... in fact, just about meets me at the door.

He says... "My GOD! Throw that picture you sent me away. It looks nothing like you. Nothing, nothing, nothing like you!"

I'm thinking, "is this a compliment, or an insult?"

We get a table, sit down, and he proceeds to sssstttuttttttter, and ssssstammer, and generally has a very difficult time getting a coherent sentence out.

I ask him if he's ok. He says he's extremely nervous, but he'll be ok in a minute.

We make awkward small talk, and I am relieved when the waitress comes over with the menus. Now I can lower my head and focus on food.

All too soon, the waitress is back to take our orders, and so I must relinquish my menu and talk again. He's still having trouble with this, by the way.

The food comes, and I begin to eat. I ordered a very nice chicken caesar salad, and he orders a burger. He takes the top half of the bun off, and commences to eating the meat with his fork... Ok. Whatever.

We make more small talk. I'm bored to tears. So bored that I uncharacteristically wolf my food down, just to get it over with.

We finish the meal (finally), he pays the bill, and we're heading out the door. Once outside, he reaches for me to give me a hug. I become rigid, and as he's trying to give me a kiss, I turn my face. His lips land on my cheek.

We wave goodbye, and get in our respective vehicles.

I pull a holeshot leaving the parking lot, and he's nowhere to be seen in my rearview mirror.

That night, I received this from him in email:

From: ajm
Date Received: April 12
Subject: Advertising


Sybil,

Please add the following to your profile:

Stunning, articulate, engaging, talented, intelligent, self-confident ... if I get to spend more time with you I'm sure there will be more.

It was such a pleasure to meet you. I hope I provided truth in advertising to you, and I'd love the opportunity to have that second date when you feel better.

Al

OK... can we say... Potential Stalker???

Lessons learned... From now on, all first dates will be for coffee ONLY. It takes considerably less time to drink a cup of coffee than it does eat a meal. Second, when going on a blind date, inform a buddy. Set up a signal. Be sure your buddy can hit you up on signal, and rescue you from death by boredom. Third, if they lose their power of speech upon meeting you, they're probably not ever going to regain it.