Another Case Of "Be Careful What You Wish For"

because you just may get it.

It's been 8 years that MW has been a part of my life. 8 years of the most dramatic ups and downs, tears and joy, happiness and heartbreak.

I loved him so deeply and so blindly that I lost myself. I allowed him to prance in and out of my life at his whims, mostly because I couldn't picture my life without him in it... no matter to what degree.

On Christmas Eve '05 he walked out of our home and my life without so much as a goodbye, with only the clothes on his back. When he was ready, he started coming around again. I allowed it. Fourteen months passed before he was ready to move back in. 14 months of being treated like shit, of being ignored, stood up, stalked, and well... being treated like shit.

At the end of the 14 months, and after I had met someone who perhaps could have been someone special in my life, after MW saw us together, he showed up on my doorstep and begged, cried, pleaded, and cried some more - and I'm talking real dime sized tears crying - asking to come back. I allowed it.

Now here we are, 11 months back into it, and I wish I'd had the strength 11 months ago to leave him out there on my doorstep in his tears. Now, I find myself at the mercy of his moods - whenever he decides that I'm a whore because I took up with someone else during those 14 months of his absence - whenever he decides that "he can't live with what I did" and he wants to punish me with his verbal and mental abuse.

I never ever thought I'd reach the point I'm at. I am so ready to be rid of him for once and for all, and forever.