Often Incoherent ~ Always Menopausal

Swan Song

2008-08-06T22:28:00.003-04:00

This place has been good to me. I've enjoyed it here, but I've moved my thoughts to a new home.

I was never really comfortable here anyway. I wasn't free to write completely unencumbered. There are things which I would prefer certain eyes not see - therefore, my visits here became much less frequent, and my writing much more innocuous.

I look forward to my new home on the web, where I will once again be able to write without self-censoring. That's what a blog should be.

In Response To Your Holy Snottiness

2008-08-06T14:40:00.000-04:00

First, what I wrote, I stand by.

Second, I (unlike you) did it in private; not on the world wide web, for all the world to see.

Third, I chose to write because I couldn't bear to suffer your "know-it-all" attitude, and I didn't want to hear a word of what you might have said in your Oh So Snotty Jared tone. Been there, done that - not going there anymore.

Fourth, you may call it "stooping to my level" if you like, but I do not judge. I witness. I see your behavior, your screw-ups, what she continually does to bail you out, and your completely ungrateful way of treating her. Like it or not Sonny Boy, I will NOT keep my comments or my concerns to myself. Not now, and not ever. Her business IS my business. That's the way it is.

And as far as my personal life; be VERY careful what you say. I have very little, IF ANY, tolerance left for your snottiness.

Regarding reconciling - Do not delude yourself into thinking that I'm sitting here wringing my hands, hoping that you'll call. I am not. You know first hand that I'm absolutely fine with cutting someone completely out of my life. That's fine with me. So, as to your snotty little sentence about wanting to keep things the way they are, I say, "Bravo!"

Rest assured that from what I have witnessed, you are a thankless brat who should be on your knees kissing her on all 4 cheeks for the life she gave you. Instead, you couldn't even find it in your selfish little self to stay at home just ONE LOUSY NIGHT, to make sure she didn't need an ADULT around. Isn't THAT a fine thank you for a lady who has ALWAYS been there for you!

Yes, you bet your ass I got hot. Too bad if you didn't like it. You had it comming.

One last thing - Some day, she won't be here anymore. Who knows when that day will be. But when it comes, you better hope you've gotten your shit together, because YOU chose to "NOT RECONCILE" with me, and SO BE IT.

Letter To Self:

2008-08-02T18:09:00.003-04:00

***EDITED***

Dear Self,

You know what you need to do.

Just Do It!

Tell Me Whyyyyyyyy ???

2008-06-25T19:26:00.002-04:00

Why oh WHY must the little old lady who is inevitably in front of me at every single cashier I ever go to, pay her tab with PRECISE change?

I mean, the bill is $7.97 - and she wants to empty her change purse of every bloody nickel and penny she's carrying around, AND it takes her for fucking EVER to count it. And the pennies keep coming, and coming, and they fall, and they roll, and she keeps pulling them out of every crevice in her purse!

WHY?

And why oh WHY must every octogenarian who still drives a car inevitably decide to pull out into traffic directly in front of me, causing me to jack up on the brakes, and then proceed to drive 15 miles per hour? WHY? Why couldn't they just wait another 2 seconds until I speed by, and then they can putt putt along to their heart's content!

Is it a conspiracy? Is there some greater order of old farts who meet in secret, and plot to fray my last nerve at every opportunity?

How did they come to single me out? What did I ever do to them?

I propose that A) All old ladies must use plastic when shopping, and B) Anyone over the age of 70 must have their depth perception tested before being allowed to drive.

Ouch... Ouch... Ouch !!!

2008-06-14T01:32:00.003-04:00

I decided that I can't diet off the 10lbs I gained post surgery, so I figured I'd better start working out.

With every good intention, I buy what seems to be a good workout dvd. It entices me by promising that all I have to do is stay with it for a mere 6 weeks, and I will attain the results I desire. Who could resist such a promise? Certainly not I.

So, ever so niavely, I place the devil disc in the player, and hit play. The beginner workout is a measely 30 minutes long, no problem!

And the music begins, and the skinny bitch starts her peppy ... and one and two, and breeeeath. So, off I go. Gangbusters. Pffft! This is no sweat.

Ten minutes into it, I'm thinking, "I hate you ... you skinny bitch" at the poor woman on the screen.

Fifteen minutes into it I'm thinking, "Shit... what did she just do? I can't do that shit! My ass doesn't move that way!"

Twenty minutes into it I'm thinking, "I'm going to die. This is going to kill me. The headline will say, '48 yr old idiot woman exercises to death'

Twenty five minutes into it I'm thinking, "Please let me die."

At 30 minutes, as the skinny bitch is congratulating me for finishing the workout, I collapse on my couch; panting, sweaty, and painfully aware that I have never been so out of shape in my life. But, I felt a strong sense of accomplishment.

This was yesterday.

Today, I'm walking like a 90yr old stroke victim. Every muscle in my body is screaming, and I don't want to go to bed because it means I'll have to wake up tomorrow and do it again!

Piss Me Off !

2008-06-06T19:08:00.002-04:00

I was trying to look at new blogs. Places I've never been before. So I clicked on the link at the top of Stacey's blog that says "Next Blog." The next blog that came up was in Spanish. So I clicked on the "Next Blog" link on that one. The next one was in Russian. And the next one was in Spanish, and the next one was in some Asian language, and the next one was in some other language I couldn't discern, and so on, and so on, for about 25 more blogs.

Doesn't anyone blog on Blogger in English????

Who ... Me?

2008-06-06T08:23:00.002-04:00

I had my annual review of results yesterday with my boss. (My boss, by the way, is beyond question, the nicest man I have ever met.)

So we go through eight pages of pre-defined behaviors, skills, trends, etc. We talk about my leadership skills, my mentoring skills, my problem-solving skills, the wonderful relationships I have with internal & external customers, the outstanding business results I am enjoying. Essentially, we talk about how absolutely wonderful I am, and how blessed he feels to have me on his team.

And I feel like shit.

Because... I do not work very hard at all. I prefer to work smart.

I do work...

Just not nearly as hard as he thinks I do.

The End Of Camelot

2008-05-21T08:08:00.002-04:00

Unless you live in a cave, by now you've heard the news that Senator Kennedy has been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer.

This news is infinitely sad to most politicaly junkies, the entire US Senate, and especially to those of us who live in Massachusetts.

The Kennedys are Massachusetts' own royalty. Our own personal kings & queens of everything un-ordinary.

No one can argue that the Kennedys have long suffered what most would agree is positively the worst luck imaginable; begining with war hero Joe, and right up through that sad, awful day when John-John and his bride crashed their plane into the Atlantic. It's as if a dark cloud of misery has followed this family for decades, but Ted was always the one to escape it. His son & daughter both beat cancer. He beat the Mary Jo Kopechne incident. He was granted an annullment from first wife Joan, even though she vehemently argued against it (which of course, left him to remain "in good standing" with the Catholic church.)

Yes, he has been spared the long suffering Kennedy curse - until now.

For me, I suppose at heart I am a liberal (although I don't often admit it out loud) and Ted's work for over 45 years in the Senate has been steady, and unfaltering. He is a bona fide, die-hard liberal. People have benefited from his position on the senate floor. I have to admit though, that I was thoroughly disappointed when he endorsed Obama. I can't figure that one.

Anyway, all of this hub-bub is causing me some personal inconvenience. Mass General is one of my customers, and I need to get in there - however - it's rather impossible at the moment. You might think there was royalty in there.

Oh...
That's right...
There is !

Drunkorexic ? !

2008-05-14T23:24:00.002-04:00

I saw a story on the news tonight. It was about college girls who have food issues. They count calories, and instead of eating food, opt to get their calories from alcoholic beverages. They're calling this Drunkorexia.

Hell, I've been doing that for years.

I was ahead of my time.

Hot diggity! I'm avante gard. Who knew?

Bumper Sticker Seen Today ...

2008-05-06T19:56:00.002-04:00

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians; they are so unlike your Christ." - Ghandi

My goodness, how profound!

I must admit, I tend to agree with Ghandi.

While I refuse to be labeled, I consider myself a Christian. That is, I believe whole heartedly in the Christian dogma. I do not, however, believe in the organized Catholic dogma. In fact, it is my opinion that Catholocism is the world's largest cult.

I know there are some out there who will read that and insist that I will burn in hell for it. Be that as it may, as far as I'm concerned, my relationship with Christ needs no intermediary. It is a personal, one on one relationship where I talk directly to him; whether that is to seek guidance, ask forgiveness, give thanks, or praise. And he in turn, without fail, gives me the guidance, the solultion, the patience, the understanding that I need at the time.

I do not need a man in a white collar to validate my beliefs.

So, in general I will say - yes Ghandi, I tend to agree with you.

Five On Friday (On Sunday)

2008-04-27T16:32:00.002-04:00

Thanks Stacey, for tagging me.

The rules of The Game get posted on the beginning.
Each player answers the rules about himself [or indeed herself].
At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.

What was I doing ten years ago?
I was married to my Ex, living in the house I live in now, working for the company I work for now. Ten years ago I still had my gall bladder, my uterus, ovaries, and fallopioan tubes. I had extremely short hair, and I was about 30lbs heavier. I drank a lot more, smoked about the same, didn't have a DJ business, didn't ride a Harley, didn't drive a Beamer. In general, I was a lot less happy.

Five things on my To-Do list today:

1. Expense Report
2. Update M.I.
3. Drive to New Hampshire
4. Get the new car's inspection sticker
5. Deposit money in my brother's checking account

Five of my bad habits:

1. Smoking
2. Gambling
3. Staying up too late
4. Snooping in MW's phone
5. Not calling my mother enough

Five places I’ve lived:

1. S. Dartmouth
2. New Bedford
3. Fairhaven
4. Fall River
5. Swansea

Five jobs I’ve had:

1. Cashier at Zayre's (how long ago is THAT?!)
2. Store Manager - Brooks Drugs
3. Marketing Director
4. Controller - Handbag Manufacturer
5. Regional Sales Director

Five books I’ve recently read:
1. Lisey's Story - Stephen King
2. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Steven Covey (I revisit this one frequently)
3. How To Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie (also revisit frequently)
4. Think & Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill (another timeless one - changed my life)
5. John Adams - David McCullough (HBO series was based on it. Excellent)

I tag... Jared, Lisa, Jos, Nexy, and ... uh... I'll get back to you with a fifth.

In Memoriam

2008-04-21T07:47:00.004-04:00

This was my friend. She died on Friday, April 12 at the too young age of 53, after a year long battle with lung cancer. She died a horrible, lingering, painful death which robbed her of all dignity.

We were both quintessential Scorpios. We had so many things in common, and just as many things were quite opposite about us. We understood each other, sometimes without speaking - it was like a telepathic connection between us.

She was direct to a fault, often loud & vulgar, but never malicious. She loved to sing, and she loved to laugh. There were 2 times, over the years, when we were at odds, but it didn't last. We could overcome differences that most could not.

You always knew where you stood with her; a trait that is sadly absent in most people. She didn't have a lot, but what she had, she'd share with anyone who needed it. She was generous beyond her means.

She was the champion of the underdog. People who are somehow on the fringe, socially outcast, the less popular. She welcomed them into her circle, and did not judge.

She had a less than charmed life. In fact, life was damn hard for her - right from the begining, and all the way to the end. But you'd never know it by her attitude. She had a love of life, a joy for laughing, and enjoyed giving. She had a big heart.

She ended every conversation with me by saying, "I love you, my friend." and she meant it.

This world lost a unique and wonderful soul, and I will miss her dearly.

Godspeed my friend, may you sing Motown forever, and my you never hit a sour note.

Meet My New Baby

2008-04-14T17:02:00.004-04:00

Isn't she lovely?

The Z4 has gone back to Beamer land, and this one takes it's place.

Oooh ... Me Likey

Yo Derek...

2008-04-07T21:00:00.002-04:00

Sadly, I know (intellectually that is)that none of John Adams was filmed in Mass, but when I'm immersed in the program, I mean... I just let myself believe, ya know?

Still though, you're right. How hard would it have been to bring a crew to Boston? They do it in Providence all the time.

Speaking of Providence, did you follow the Showtime series The Brotherhood? Great show!

Sometimes He Cracks Me Up !

2008-04-07T11:38:00.002-04:00

I'm throwing a Western themed dinner/dance thing fund-raiser at the VFW where I play. So MW is right into this, because you see, he should'a been a cowboy, should'a learned to rope and ride (wait... those a lyrics to a C&W song.)

But anyway, he's been helping me with the planning and many of the little details. Yesterday, he left saying that he was going to go look into some decorations for the party.

Here's what he came back with ! I'm still laughing!

Still In Awe

2008-04-06T11:01:00.005-04:00

I bought this TV a month ago. Sony Bravia 52" HD - all the bells and whistles. It's been here a month, and I still marvel at what I see when I watch it. The individual hairs on a man's stubbly face. The hairs on a bumble bee. The details are phenominal. Of course, I find myself sticking to strictly HD channels now, because non HD programs simply suck on a HD tv (a word to the wise.)

In preparation of getting the tv, I switched from Comcast to DirecTv. Right now I miss the DVR capabilities of the Comcast box, but DirecTv has a DVR HD box you can buy which only costs $200 at Best Buy... that's on my list of must haves.

Then, I invested in an updated Bose home theater system. I already had an older one, but the newer ones are sleeker and well... I didn't need it, but I wanted it. So now, I'm a full fledged, couch potato. I can't pry myself away from the television. Geez.

Then, add to that this new mini-series on HBO; John Adams. I'm totally and thoroughly hooked. This show dimensionalizes the trials and tribulations that you read about is US History, but never fully fathomed. It draws me because all of the locations are local to me. When they're showing you the Colonists marching to war, they're marching on dirt roads that are now paved highways which I drive on everyday. When they show you things like Bunker Hill, and Boston Common, I am totally immersed because this is my day to day surroundings. It simply fascinates me.

Well... sorry but I gotta go watch TV.

I Love This Picture !

2008-04-04T12:35:00.002-04:00

So anyway, other stuff ...

I did some research; not statistically significant research of course, but research nonetheless. I was interested to know what percentage of women who've had complete hysterectomies (including ovaries) gain weight after surgery. Would it interest you to know that virtually 99% of women do gain some weight after this surgery?

I am eight months post-op, and I've gained 10 pounds. Everyone tells me I needed to gain the weight, but I beg to differ. 10 lbs is the cutoff. It's when one more ounce means your clothes no longer fit. It's the difference between "Just a few vanity pounds," and "You're on your way to becoming fat."

So, today I made up my mind that try as MW does to have me eat when he eats; the answer is a resounding NO. Half of the issue is him. He cooks several times a day. He constantly brings pastry and sweets home. And I have such a sweet tooth, that I find it difficult to resist. When I lived alone, food was not an issue. I kept only the bare necessities here. Coffee, english muffins, sandwich meats (sometimes), and not much more. The other issue is, I've watched as my portions have grown. I know that the secret to weight loss is managing the portions. It's always worked for me in the past. I never deprived myself of anything I wanted, I just ate small portions. Now... Geez Louise! I put a helping on my plate, and he shovels more on it. He reminds me of my grandmother, the way she loved to make us all eat!

Anyway, I'm back on the Hoodia for appetite suppression, and back to tiny portions. I won't lie to you though - there is NO plan for exercise. I hate it, and I don't have time for it. Period! Oh, and no beer either... sadly.

I'm sticking to it for one month. I hope to lose the 10, and then my stomach will be shrunken back down to the proper size, and all will be well in Sybilland again. I hope.

Then there's the "Swelly Belly" phenominon. It's the internal swelling from the surgery that they tell me takes well over a year to subside. THANKS! Well, no worries, I'm not a beach bunny anyway. Still though, it's hard to breathe bent over when your pants waste is too tight. It sucks!

It Just Ain't Right

2008-04-01T11:46:00.001-04:00

Some folks I know are going through a hard time right now, and it got me to thinking.

Here's the scenario: They met, and they got involved. Six months into it, he developed troubling symptoms of the Herpes kind. He goes to the doctor and lo & behold; it is indeed the gift that keeps on giving. She, however, did not have symptoms, and I believe her when she tells me that she honestly did not know she had this disease.

My thought is; well, if you didn't know you had this; then maybe you didn't. Maybe he had it before he met you. Logical, no?

Anyway, time goes by and they are happy together even given the circumstances. Then one day, she got tired of his bad treatment, and got rid of him. Welllll, now suddenly, according to him, she's no good, the whore of Babylon, a pig, and whatever else he can think of to say (and blog.)

My feeling is this; First, the asshole deserves a beating to within inches of his life for broadcasting her personal business all over the globe. Second, for years, he didn't think she was a whore and a pig while she put up with his bullshit. It was all well and good until she kicked him to the curb - then suddenly she was a gutter skank who infected his lily white ass.

Personally, I'm convinced he already had it, and blamed her. I mean, who doesn't know they have this? Doesn't it at some point show itself? If she had it, she would have known... and once again, I believe her when she tells me she didn't know. She wouldn't lie to me - we share so many (much MUCH worse) secrets, that she just wouldn't have to lie to me about it, ya know?

So ever now & then I see him or hear from him, and what do I have to listen to? Your friend is a filthy no-good, STD carrying so and so. I get SO angry. In fact, the last time, I got so angry I told him; "One more word, and I'll slap your face." He basically told me to go fuck myself - I ditto'd the sentiment, and we went our separate ways.

Then there's another couple I've been friends with for years. They're married 39 years. He's a jerk, but she loves him.

Anyway, she decides to have an affair with someone she met online. The affair goes on for YEARS. She (stupidly) does not delete the email evidence, and he reads all about their rendevous trips to Tahoe, and Reno, and where the hell ever else. Guess what? He goes BALLISTIC. Wouldn't you?

Now, they're living separately in the same house. He's upstairs, she's down.

That is NO way to live. I know. My ex and I lived that way for over a year. It sucks out loud. But, the trouble is, now that her affair is over, and her husband wants no part of her, she is a nuisance to me. I have my own life here, and I don't have the time to occupy all of her free time. It's driving me nuts. Pretty soon I'm going to have to hurt her feelings... which I hate to do, but really, I'm at the end of my patience.

AND THEN... there's my other friend's daughter who keeps on telling me she's going to kill herself. Over & over again. So finally, the daughter gets herself admitted to a psych hospital, which she has wanted to do for a year (Just to get medicated so she can feel better, she says) and now that she's in there, and committed, she calls me 20times a day, crying that she wants to get out and she's a prisoner there. It's at the point now where I just don't answer my phone.

So, in a nutshell........ these people are all driving me nucking futs and IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT !

From Stacey's - Finish The Sentence

2008-03-25T14:21:00.005-04:00

I got this over at Stacey's crib.

1. Maybe I should consider quitting smoking. Too many friends are dying of cancer these days.

2. I love the smell of My perfume - Romance by Ralph Lauren

3. People would say that I’m successful.

4. I don’t understand why I can't receive one of President Bush's $600.00 tax rebates this year. I mean... really really unfair dude!

5. When I wake up in the morning I can't function before that first cup of coffee.

6. I lost all my spare car keys. Which really sucks because those Beamer keys cost $300 to replace.

7. Life is full of ups and downs. I'm still looking forward to just one month of even keel.

8. My past is shady. I'm not exceptionally proud of it, but then again; I never killed anyone, or intenionally hurt anyone. Ah... it should die a quiet death.

9. I get annoyed when Oh... where to begin! The toilet paper is put on the roll the wrong way. The toothpaste tube is squeezed from the middle. Crumbs are left on the floor. Dirty laundry is thrown down the chute without turning them right side out first. People cut me off on the road. My XM radio loses it's signal. My cellphone battery dies in the middle of a really important call. They shut off my DirecTv for non-payment (The Nerve!)and on, and on...

10. Parties are for young people. I can't be bothered.

11. I wish for world peace. Just Kidding! That'll never happen. I wish my brother's DB claim would be settled and I wouldn't have to support him anymore.

12. Dogs are loyal, loveable, smart creatures who do, on occasion stink, but still make the best pets.

13. Cats are stand-offish, independent, hairballs who also stink, and climb all over kitchen counters dropping their nasty hair where the food goes. No, cats have no place in my world.

14. Tomorrow I’m looking forward to sleeping in, and then maybe getting some work done.

15. I have low tolerance for 1. Stupid people. 2. Liars. 3. Body Odor. Not necessarily in that order.

16. I’m totally terrified of spiders. They WIG.ME.OUT.

17. I wonder why some people die a peaceful death, and others die in such agony. Wonder if it's Karma, or God, or Fate, or just the luck of the draw.

18. Never in my life have I done any drug stronger than pot. Nope. No pills, no snort, no needles (heaven forbid).

19. High school was a means to an end. Nothing more.

20. When I’m nervous, ... instant diarrhea

21. One time at a family gathering we all got along, and had a wonderful time. That was long ago, in a far away galaxy. It's been so long, I wonder if that really happened, or I just imagine it did.

22. Take my advice: do not fall in love with a married man.

23. Making my bed is not always necessary. It's also one of my least favorite chores.

24. I’m almost always right. HA!

25. I’m addicted to cigarettes, and my new big screen.

26. I want someone to help me carry the load for awhile.

Not Really...

2008-03-18T20:01:00.001-04:00

95%ALCOHOLIC

Not an alcoholic, just a former bartender who's been know to enjoy an occasional drink or ten.

Me And Elvis

2008-03-04T17:41:00.003-05:00

Ha !

This was taken about 2 years ago. This guy's name is Mike, and I found him on the web when I went searching for Elvis impersonators to hire for a karaoke contest I was running. He was a hoot.

Look at me though !

Not bad for 47.

Another Case Of "Be Careful What You Wish For"

2008-03-03T18:22:00.006-05:00

because you just may get it.

It's been 8 years that MW has been a part of my life. 8 years of the most dramatic ups and downs, tears and joy, happiness and heartbreak.

I loved him so deeply and so blindly that I lost myself. I allowed him to prance in and out of my life at his whims, mostly because I couldn't picture my life without him in it... no matter to what degree.

On Christmas Eve '05 he walked out of our home and my life without so much as a goodbye, with only the clothes on his back. When he was ready, he started coming around again. I allowed it. Fourteen months passed before he was ready to move back in. 14 months of being treated like shit, of being ignored, stood up, stalked, and well... being treated like shit.

At the end of the 14 months, and after I had met someone who perhaps could have been someone special in my life, after MW saw us together, he showed up on my doorstep and begged, cried, pleaded, and cried some more - and I'm talking real dime sized tears crying - asking to come back. I allowed it.

Now here we are, 11 months back into it, and I wish I'd had the strength 11 months ago to leave him out there on my doorstep in his tears. Now, I find myself at the mercy of his moods - whenever he decides that I'm a whore because I took up with someone else during those 14 months of his absence - whenever he decides that "he can't live with what I did" and he wants to punish me with his verbal and mental abuse.

I never ever thought I'd reach the point I'm at. I am so ready to be rid of him for once and for all, and forever.

The Tax System Defies Logic

2008-02-12T13:28:00.000-05:00

I just signed off on my 07 tax returns. Can someone please explain to me how I can be receiving a federal refund in the amount of $9700.00, and a state refund in the amount of a measely $52.00 ??? How can this be?! Is it any wonder they call this TAXACHUSETTS?

And while I'm at it, I'm sad to say that my presidential candidate: doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell to win the nomination (I think)... but if you ask me, anybody who wants to abolish the IRS is alright in my book!

Which brings me to a humorous anecdote: Last Tuesday was Super Tuesday, as we all know. I was 2 states away at a meeting, and realizing (too late) that I hadn't done an absentee ballott, drove the hour and a half home to vote for my candidate (see above.)

I live in a small Massachusetts town, where local politics are as crooked as Lomard St , and where the Kennedy's are revered, and Camelot is still alive & well. My town is so Democrat, they can't even pronounce the word Republican. Well anyway, I have always been a registered Unaffiliated voter. (I don't like being pigeon-holed)

So I walk into the town ambulance garage where the polling is going on, and I'm greeted by two ladies whose combined age must have totalled 180. There were town policemen hanging around (apparently to keep order and prevent the riots which were CERTAIN to break out as the seniors argued over Obama or Hillary), there were on duty EMTs sitting around, (in case one of said seniors got too carried away over the aforementioned Obama / Hillary debates), and there were your typical smattering of local politicians being completely smarmy with the voters.

Sooo, I approach the two ancient checkers-in, and proceed to ... uh, well... check in. As they check my address (which is how they check you in,) they see that I'm registered U - unaffiliated. Now, there are two stacks of ballots. Red ones (Democratic ticket) and blue ones (Republican ticket.) Being ever so dilligent, and taking her volunteered job very seriously, Old Lady #2 asks me, "Red or Blue?" AS SHE'S HANDING ME THE RED TICKET. To which I quite loudly snort, "Blue - REPUBLICAN!"

At this point, (and I kid you not,) ALL conversation ceased, and there was a very audible, completely in-sync GASSSSSSSSSP from throughout the room.

This pleased me beyond words.

I LIKE MIKE!

Just Stuff

2008-02-11T14:50:00.000-05:00

So I decided to "name" my karaoke business. The official name is, "Mojo Karaoke." Zippy, no? And I even have a logo (which is on my business cards and banners) Whatcha think?

That thing is called a Voodoo Peacock. I thought it was befitting, seeing as there's times MW swears I'm workin' a root on him. If the truth be told, I SOOO wish I could work a root on him at times (and a handful of others too for that matter.)

Anyway, I had my eyes checked a few weeks ago. The results were no surprise. Yes, it's true - I'm blind. Just call me Mr. Magoo. So, I got new glasses... and not just any glasses. These mofo's are bifocals, turn grey outside, and are guaranteed not to scratch. They are ALL OF THAT and a bag of chips. Only trouble is, I can't see shit with them. I keep falling up stairs, and walking into the most inconvenient things (like chairs, and walls.) Lemme just put the record straight: According to me, bifocals S.U.C.K. mkay?

It's been 6+ months since my complete hystorectomy. I'm here to tell you that, once you have this surgery done, there ain't nothin' you can do about it - you're gonna gain weight. Period. I have now gained 10 lbs, and beat me with a stripper's pole, but I just cannot get rid of it. It makes me quite cranky.

Things around here are for the most part, status quo. I'm still supporting my brother, still working 2 jobs, 7 days a week to do so, still wondering why I ever agreed to take MW back, because you see, HE is still status quo too. But that is for another post, when I have all day to capture everything.

Meanwhile, join me in a Mimosa, (or slam back a toddy of your choice) because I'm going to go tie one on. Right Now!

Cheers

What Book Are You ?

2008-02-11T14:48:00.001-05:00

You're Cat's Cradle!

by Kurt Vonnegut

You believe quite firmly that free will deserted you long ago and far
away. As a result, it's hard to take responsibility for anything. Even though you show
great potential as a leader of a small 3rd world country, the choices are all made ahead
of time. You're rather fond of games involving string. Your fear of nuclear weaponry is
trumped only by your fear of ice.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

If You Need More Proof

2008-01-26T02:31:00.000-05:00

... that too much sun is bad for you, here you go!

Other Than That.......

2008-01-22T12:37:00.000-05:00

Lordy Lordy... it's been 4 months since I've written. I had difficulty remembering my password even. Geesh!

Although I don't often write, I still catch up with everyone's blogs pretty frequently; even though I find myself pressed for time and unable to comment most of the time.

I wish this post was filled with a ton of wonderful happy things which have happened since we last visited. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. In fact, the shit pile that my life has become just continues to grow deeper. I won't bore you with all the sordid details but suffice to say, one of my best friends is dying of brain cancer (and I'm her health care proxy... which means I never get a break from that bad news), my mother has some frightful health issues going on right now, I'm still stuck holding the bag supporting my brother who, by the way, seems to be getting fatter... (can't figure that one out!)

MW has been living in my home since April 9th, '07. In general, things are ok, however, things are only ok if I leave my head in the sand and accept the path of least resistance; which, if you know any Scorpios at all, you know taking the path of least resistance is counter intuitive to our nature. In fact, we're much more apt to take the path not yet cleared, nevermind the one that's uphill.

Some things never change. Sunday, we had an encounter of the horrific kind thanks to MW's beast - affectionately refered to by yours truly as GODZILLA. Have I mentioned how utterly fucking nuts that woman is? Right there in the buffet restaurant at Foxwoods Casino, right at my dinner table. I'll just tell you one quick exchange which I'm still patting myself on the back about...

She said, "Aren't you dead yet?"
I said, "Aren't you? You certainly look it."
She said, "Pfft! I look a lot better than you do." (Catty, I know)
I said, "Ha! In whose magic mirror?"

Touche Sybil!

Anyway, it's been a while since I'd seen her that up close, and whooaaa, let me tell you, time has not been kind to the Godzilla beast. But needless to say, my meal was ruined. I was beside myself, and couldn't believe that a woman who's about to turn 60 could be so "Jerry Springer" ... so white trash ... so uncouth & classless.

I came to the conclusion the only way that monster is going to become a non-issue in my life is if I up and move FAR FAR away. Truthfully, once my mother's health issues straighten out, I will be requesting a transfer. And it can't happen soon enough.

So... as they say, "Other than that Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"

Other than all that, here I am, still paddling that leaky boat up shit's creek.

And how are you?

I Don't Miss Them

2007-09-06T07:35:00.000-04:00

So I'm in a coffee shop yesterday, and the waitress asks me how I'm doing since my surgery? Before I could answer, the woman sitting two seats away says, "Oh, you just had surgery too? I just had a hysterectomy. What kind of surgery did you have?" I said, "the same."

Now mind you, I'm not particularly looking to trade war stories with a stranger. Also, based on listening to people talk, I'm convinced that half of everybody over 40, two-thirds of everybody over 50, and all of everybody over 60 has had this done... So, what up?

But I digress.

The woman two seats away... suddenly she wants to commiserate. She wants to discuss some the nastiest "side effects" she's having. Wants to compare notes. I don't.
To me it's personal and private, and I don't want to talk about this stuff. So, I nod now and then and try to keep my eyes trained on my newspaper.

Then she wants to talk about not being whole anymore, and feeling like less than a woman.

I have to tell you, I totally cannot relate to this.

Perhaps it's because I never had children, never wanted them in the first place. I don't know. But this woman was lamenting the loss of her reproductive organs so woefully, I really didn't know what to say. I mean, she kept asking me to agree with her about how horrible it is to be half a woman, unable to have babies, etc...
I could not. And I told her so.

What I said instead was, "Hey, the way I see it along with my reproductive organs went monthly periods, bloating, and cramping. Not to mention a cancer that was trying to kill me. So no. I don't miss those organs whatsoever."

Blunt, but effective!

What's The Worth?

2007-09-05T07:48:00.000-04:00

If you could get ten years of your life back; erase ten years of worry and stress from your face... what would you pay?

Well, I paid $1800.00

Too much you think?

I think not.

I wish I had thought to take a before picture. Sadly, I didn't. But trust me when I say, a few injections into the wrinkled face of a 48 year old smoker results in nothing short of a miracle. I couldn't be more pleased with the results.

Tomorrow I return for my two week follow-up, at which point the doctor will give me a few more touch up injections. I'm looking forward to it like you can't believe.

On another note, this surgery recovery... OY !

Today is my six week point since the surgery. I'm still far from over it, believe me. When they told me this surgery was nothing to sneeze at, I poo-poo'd it. I figured any surgery that didn't require an incision, couldn't be that bad right? Wrong! It's bad. I have over 200 internal stitches. My bowels refuse to stop aching and giving me problems. My appetite is non-existent. And I think most troubling of all.... I have SWELLY BELLY ! My previously flat stomach now has this annoying pouchy swelling which my doctor says will go away IN ABOUT A YEAR ! I can't stand it!

Some one of these days, I post some pictures.

So Many Things....

2007-08-23T13:50:00.000-04:00

Since I wrote last I;

Was diagnosed with cancer
Had a complete hysterectomy including both ovaries & fallopians
Had Botox & Restalyne injections
Had the summer off
Got back together with MW
Saw my brother through a very severe, life-threatening illness
Since March, support not only my household, but my brother's too (since he can't work.)
Went to Pennsylvania Dutch Country and stayed among the Amish, for the first time in my life
Went to a movie by myself, for the first time in my life (Harry Potter #5)
Got a new job on July 1, which I haven't started yet because I've been out due to surgery
Buried my step-grandmother

That's all for now.

Doin' The Tag Thing...

2007-04-14T13:42:00.000-04:00

Nexy tagged me, and being that I'm not one to drop the ball... here goes:

A- Available or Single? Single - but alas, unavailable.
B- Best Friend. None - I am an island.
C- Cake or Pie. Cake. Devil's Food with traditional white frosting.
D- Drink of Choice. Coors Light, or Diet Pepsi with lemon.
E- Essential Item. My cell phone OF COURSE.
F- Favorite Color. Emerald green.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms. No thanks.
H- Hometown. South Dartmouth, Massachusetts.
I- Indulgence. Smoking, sleeping late, beer, ... oh, and GAMBLING!
J- January or February. January - that means the friggin' holidays are finally over.
K- Kids. Nope.
L- Life is incomplete without… The one you love.
M- Marriage Date. Which time? 1st 9/2/78 2nd 4/23/85 3rd 2/3/90
N- Number of Siblings? 2 An older brother and a younger sister.
O- Oranges or Apples? apples - Apples.
P- Phobias/Fears. Drowning, spiders, tunnels.
Q- Favorite Quote. "I know not with what weapons World War 3 will be fought; but I do know that World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein.
R- Reasons to smile. A nice surprise, A winning lottery ticket, A sincere compliment.
S- Season Summer
T- Tag Three. Stacey, Jared, Jos
U- Unknown Fact About Me. If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals. Oppressor of Animals, TYVM.
W- Worst Habit. Smoking, or Avoiding confrontation.
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds. X-Rays - much faster & easier.
Y- Your Favorite Foods Steak, Lobster, Chocolate,Creme Broule .
Z- Zodiac. Scorpio - Totally, Completely, 100% Scorpio.

Friday Five (on Saturday Morning...EARLY)

2007-04-14T01:33:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Stacey for reminding me about the Friday Five. If you don't know Stacey, go read her HERE.

1. Who was your first crush?Well, my very first crush was my uncle Bob. I think I was about 4 or 5, and to me he was just the diggity bomb. You couldn't pry me off his lap! Otherwise, my first boyfriend crush was Louie.

2. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?Um... I am such an extrovert. E X T R O V E R T !

3. What is your favorite non-sexual thing you like to do with the love of your life?I just love to lie beside him, in the crook of his arm and breathe his scent.

4. Name one quirky habit your partner does that either annoys you, or makes you grin.Every day he asks me what color my panties are. Makes me grin!

5. Do you believe in monogamous relationships?Yes I do. Are they easy to achieve? No, they're not. I am ready for monogamy though.

Therapy

2007-04-06T10:17:00.000-04:00

I finally accepted that I can't solve my issues by myself.

I always thought that therapy was for the weak. (Sorry to those of you who have been in therapy... but I'm just being honest.) But I finally came to realize that there are some motivaters which make me do things, decide things, feel things, which I don't understand; and more importantly, I don't like.

So, I'm in therapy. My therapist is a very nice man named Doug. I like him well enough, except he has one eye that travels, and I never know which eye to look into when I'm bearing my soul to him. This is rather maddening, but I'm sure I can manage.

The foremost burning question in my mind is, how can a person take a horrific beating from someone, and still love that person?

I don't know what the answer is, but I'm hoping to find out.

In other news, Mr. New is history.

I tried to get along. Tried to ignore the fact that as the days went by, he was consistently irritating me more and more. I tried to keep in my mind that although it wasn't love, it wasn't bad. But, he just isn't the guy for me. No other way to put it. To be honest, I'm not sure there is a "guy for me."

Last night was the frosting on the cake. I won't go into details, but let's just say that something very minor gave me a raging case of Red Ass, and I just let it rip. He called me twice after that, and both times I just tore him apart. This morning, he called again and asked if I was still mad at him. I told him I wasn't, but that nothing's changed. I told him he's just a crotchedy, cantankerous old coot, and I can't be bothered with his pissy attitudes... millions or no millions.

Nah... there isn't enough money in the world to make me put up with his old man shit. Not to mention ... (Jared, close your eyes...) I am not IN.THE.LEAST. attracted to him in a sexual way, and in fact, the mere thought of anything physical with him, repulses me. So there. I said it. Good Bye Mr. Buck and a Quarter.

Thanks Stace

2007-03-15T14:13:00.001-04:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Nothing, Really.

2007-02-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

Mr. New is warming my cold, cold heart.

There's something inherently missing in my brain wiring. I have become so conditioned to being the giver in a relationship, that I don't quite know what to do with being on the receiving end. Mr. New is very much a giver... I just haven't gotten comfortable with it yet. But I have to say, it's nice.

In other news, I just got back from 2 days of hell. What hell you ask? Two days of driving throughout the horrible interstate systems of New Jersey. OY! Hey... I've driven in almost every state in the U.S., and I'm here to tell you - Driving in New Jersey S.U.C.K.S. !!! And that George Washington bridge! Paleeeze! I love the crusty attitudes of the people who live there, but I don't care if I never go back to that state again. I think I took years off my life.

Here it is Friday again (where did the week go?)

Next week there are a few notable days: On March 1st I am interviewing for a new job. (Same company, just different role) March 2nd MW turns 60 (Shithead) Also March 2nd I am taking Mr New to the hospital for his colonoscopy. March 3rd my nephew turns 19. So, I'll acknowledge one birthday, one colonoscopy, and one job interview. Big Week! LOL

Tilted Uterus ... Or TMI - You Decide

2007-02-18T07:42:00.000-05:00

So my friend's, (we'll call her Jane) husband joined the Navy. We'll call him Frank. Frank is all of 5 feet tall, and not an inch taller.

Frank left for basic training the second week of December; two months after he married Jane.

Last weekend, Frank graduated from basic and Jane went to Illinois to spend 5 days with him.

Last night I saw Jane. Our conversation went like this:

Me: So, how was your visit with Frank?
J: OH. MY. GOD. !
Me: That good?
J: Wellll, when I got back I had to go to the emergency room.
Me: Why?
J: I ended up with a tilted uterus. It hurt soooo bad!
Me: A whaaa?
J: Sybil, I'm not kidding you. We did it so much and so hard, he moved my uterus out of place.
Me: Um... Er...
J: Well, God had to make him short somewhere, but it isn't THERE.
Me: Oh. Um... Er...
J: This is the second time this has happened. This time, they put a couple of stitches in to prevent it from moving again.
Me: Um... uh....
J: Yeah... every time we do it doggy style, I'm a hurting unit for like... EVER.
Me: So Jane, how's your mom?

Post Script: I will never look at Frank the same again. I swear.

Devilishly Handsome Lurker

2007-02-15T19:05:00.000-05:00

I have a devilishly handsome lurker.

He promised me he wouldn't lurk, but lurk he does.

I'm quite sure he wasn't too happy when he inadvertantly spilled the beans that he's been reading my blog, but hey... just goes to prove, you're not as smart as you think you are heh? LOL

Cute though, isn't he?

Teeheehee... remind me to post some "Before" and "After" pictures. LOL
Remember the day the goose bit your finger? LOL

I Wonder....

2007-02-15T19:04:00.000-05:00

What happened to Alicia?

Where are you woman?

Everybody Loves A Meme (once in a while)

2007-02-11T10:50:00.000-05:00

Borrowed from Jos

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:00am

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Deja Vu - EXCELLENT!

4. What is your favorite TV show? Law & Order (the original) & South Park

5. What did you have for breakfast? Coffee

6. What is your middle name? I don't have one

7. What is your favorite cuisine? American or Portuguese

8. What foods do you dislike? Liver, brussells sprouts, rice, any cereal, most fish, raw shellfish, chicken, peanut butter and on, and on.

9. What is your favorite love song? Keeper Of The Stars

10. What is in your CD at the moment? Dwight Yoakam

11. What kind of car do you drive? '05 Mercury Sable, '06 BMW Z4

12. Favorite sandwich? Bologna & mayo with fresh native tomato mmmm

13. What characteristics do you despise? Cheapskates, liars, judgemental people, gossipers, lazy people, unnecessary stupidity, hypocrites, back biters

14. Favorite item of clothing? My cowboy boots

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Jeruselem

16. What color is your bathroom? Kinda teal (thanks... now I really have to change it)

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Ralph Lauren, Levi Straus, Gap

18. Where would you want to retire to? Arizona? San Diego? Not really sure

19 Favorite time of day? Night time

20. Where were you born? Massachusetts

21. Favorite sport to watch? Patriots Football

22. Who do you least expect to send this back?? N/A

23. Person you expect to send it back first? N/A

24. What laundry detergent do you use? Tide w/Fabreeze

25. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi

26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night Owl

27. What size shoe do you wear? 7.5

28. Do you have pets? No

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Read the blog ;)

31. Favorite Candy Bar ? Baby Ruth mmm (I want one right now)

32. What is your best childhood memory? Wow! I can't think of one single good one. How sad.

33. What color underwear are you wearing? Blue

34. Ever been to Africa ? No

35. Ever been toilet papering? Yep

36 Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes; and don't remind me.

37. Ever been in a car accident? Yes

38. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon Bits

39. Favorite day of the week? Friday

40. Favorite restaurant? Venus DeMilo, Liberal Club

41. Favorite flower? um... not really a flower person

42. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate

43. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC or D'Angelo's

44. What color is your bedroom carpet? Earthtone burba

45. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None

46. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? Al

47. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Best Buy (I love gadgets!) This was Jos' answer, but I'm letting it stand. ME TOO!

48. What do you do most often when you are bored? Sleep, or read a book

49. Bedtime? 2 or 3 am

50. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? All of my blogger buddies

51. Last person you went to dinner with? Al

52. What are you listening to right now? Nada ... dead silence in here

53. Lake , Ocean or river? Ocean

54. How many tattoos do you have? 12

55. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The single cell micro-organism

56. How many people are you sending this Email to? None

Catching Up

2007-02-10T13:01:00.000-05:00

I felt the need to post what's been going on around here.

I go to the doctor's on Monday to receive my biopsy results. Try as I might not to think about it, the issue keeps worming it's way to the forefront of my mind. What can I do though? I just have to wait. So, Monday at 1:30 I'll be fidgeting in the doctor's office waiting room, waiting to be called in to receive my fate.

A while ago I wrote about being torn between two men. One my own age, and one older. Sometimes nature has a way of taking care of these decisions, and doing the culling for you. I have gravitated toward the older of the two. And let me say this about that... I had forgotten what it feels like to be treated like a queen. I gotta admit, it's Some Kinda Wonderful. We've been spending alot of time together, and he's endearing himself to me more every day.

While I'm on that subject - isn't it always the case? Men! They toss you aside, treat you like crap, largely ignore and take you for granted; BUT OOOH! The minute someone else comes along and shows you what it's like to be treated well, they come grovelling back full of apologies and roses. Well, Reba McEntire said it best in her song; "Red roses just won't work now. You done too much to work things out..." But oh, isn't life cyclical!

I've let my subscription to the online dating site expire, and frankly, I have no desire to renew it. I can't say it was very helpful for me. People on those things largely lie, or at least stretch the truth to the point breaking. Pfft! I'm all set with that.

Funny though, yesterday I received two separate bouquets of one dozen long stemmed roses. One from Dipshit MW, and the other from Mr New. Needless to say, one bouquet is on my dining room table, the other is out in the trash.

Last night at the club, things were just so bizarre. Everyone there is all up in my business because they've never seen me even remotely near another man since MW split the scene; now Mr New is there and he's very obvious about his feelings. Well it's funny actually, how up into my business everyone suddenly wants to be.

I think tomorrow I will tell you the story of Ruby - the skank cow at the club - and how she came within inches of losing her face last night. But for now I have to finish getting ready to go have lunch with Mr New.

So long kiddies.

Somebody Tell Me Please...

2007-02-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

What does it mean when someone says, "That was an HHJJ moment." ??

My nephew wrote it in his blog and used it in a positive light. In other words, he described something good that happened to him, and said it was an HHJJ moment.

Then the little shit said, "And if you don't know what HHJJ means, you're too fucking old."

Wellllllllllll, I am NOT too fucking old! I want to know what this means.

Somebody clue me in please (because I am apparently too fucking old!)

Surgery... Blah!

2007-02-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my big day. I was at the hospital at 6:30 am, like they told me to; proceeded to sit in the waiting room until 7. Waited on a gurney, practically nekkid, freezing my extremities off for another hour. The IV nurse finally showed up and proceeded to stick me 4 times before she could get a viable line going. She said I was dehydrated, therefore my veins collapsed. I was like... "well, nothing to drink since 10pm last night, of course I'm dehydrated!"

So anyway, they gave me nothing remotely close to a tranquilizer while I waited. I would have really appreciated a little help getting to Zen at that point, but nope. Nuttin'

Then finally, they wheeled me into the O.R. I wide awake, and alert. As I looked around, I was amazed at how utterly chaotic that room seemed. It also seemed old, cluttered, and not at all sterile... I'm just sayin'.

They positioned the operating table, told me to skootch over onto it, which I did- told me to position my head comfortably into the hole in the table, which I did- and the next thing I knew, I was awake in recovery.

Man! Nobody even told me "Ok, we're putting you to sleep now."

As for the rest of the day; my biggest complaint was the awful burning when I urinated, from the catheter I presume.

So now here I am, procedure behind me, waiting for biopsy results - which will not be until 2/12. OY!

Just A Few Things

2007-01-27T18:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to the hospital for my pre-op testing. You know; blood work, urine, EKG, chest x-ray. I got night before instructions - nothing new or unexpected there. They did say though, that because of this stupid cold that won't seem to quit, the morning of surgery, the anesthesiologist might decide not to go forward... I guess it just depends on what my lungs sound like that morning - which is next Friday, 2/2 - Groundhog Day. LOL

As far as the two fellows I mentioned in a previous post; as things have followed their natural course, I have been spending more time with the older of the two. There seems to be sparks. Time will tell. I feel as though someone (he) is more smitten than someone else (me).

He's got some big plans though. LOL. If things work out, I will be doing a lot of traveling.

Yesterday my brother pissed me off NO END! I pick him up every Friday because it's his day off, and he never goes anywhere... so I feel bad, and anyway, he spends every Friday with me, and goes to my karaoke show at night. So yesterday, I really REALLY needed a nap before going to work at the club at night. There I was, all snuggly, warm, and cozy; sound asleep on my couch. He was in living room with me watching a DVD. All of a sudden, he walks up to me, looks down and says really loud, "Are you sleeping?" Well, naturally I that startled me awake. He KNEW I was sleeping. I said, "I was! What's the matter?" He says, "The DVD is over."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This dope lived here for 3 months. He is well aware how to work all the remotes that control the TV, DVD, Stereo, and whatever. That ass woke me up because he was too lazy to get up off his big fat smelly ass to shut off the dvd player. I was BESIDE MYSELF. I threw the remote at him! Can you believe the depth of his laziness? As a matter of fact, I'm still angry about it.

So, this week I need to ween myself off the cigarettes because I don't want a repeat of the lung infection I got the last time I had general anesthesia. Good luck to me on that one!

My friend Stacey is doing stellar with her weight loss, and compliance since her bariatric surgery. Kudos to Stace!

And that, my friends, is all I got!

Peace

Have Yourself A Good Healthy Scare

2007-01-25T14:45:00.000-05:00

If you like a good creepy scare, sans the Freddy-Jason-Chainsaw blood 'n guts, this one will satisfy your need for creep.

Watch it at night... alone... in the rain. LOL

Update

2007-01-19T10:09:00.000-05:00

Ok... a few things:

First, my surgery had to be postponed because this cold I have is more of an upper resperatory infection. Infection + general anesthesia = potential pneumonia. No Good! So I will call the doctor's office as soon as I get over this bitch of a bug to reschedule.

Second, tonight I am training someone in the DJ booth to cover for me while I'm recuperating. Should be fun.

Third, I'm on the fence about two potential new guys. One is a lot older and filthy stinking rich. The other is much closer in age, and a regular working man. They're both attractive, fun to be around, and very nice. The older one shares more of my intereests; he rides a motorcycle, has a BIG boat, shoots guns, likes to go out on the weekends and have a few. The younger one is genuinely sweet and sincere, gentle and soft spoken. I dunno... I'm betwixt and between.

Fourth, my poor nephew is having some rotten luck right now. I feel bad for him, and I hate to say it but, I knew something like this would happen sooner or later...(I'm just sayin... from what I saw, ya know?)

So, to recap; I've got cabin fever in a BIG WAY because I've been home, sick as a dog since last Friday night. And I'm SO ready to be better.

Say Hello Tooooooooooo

2007-01-16T21:57:00.000-05:00

Baby Lydia and her lovely mom Lisa!
Lydia was born on January 8 at 5 p.m. She weighed 7 pounds 15 oz. and was 21 inches long at birth.

Lisa, you get a big Sybil shout out!

(Mom said it hurt ALOT!)

No Good News

2007-01-14T20:56:00.000-05:00

Let me give a list of the recent crap that's rained down on me lately.

1. I have the. worst. headcold. I can ever remember.
2. My pap smear results were abnormal.
3. I had an endometrial biopsy last week, and it was horrifyingly painful.
4. On January 22nd, I must go in for a D&C to rule out uterine cancer.
5. My nephew was in a car accident tonight and totalled his car.

All in all it's been a shitty couple of weeks.

****************************************************

Unrelated to the above, I want to say how proud I am of my friend Stacey who is 4 days post-op gastric bypass surgery. You're on your way Stace!

I also want to say that her husband is apparently an insensitive baffoon.

This Steams Me!

2007-01-04T15:27:00.000-05:00

Over at JoeMyGod there's a conversation thread going on about gay men having sex in a steam room at Gold's Gym SF.

In general, I say boys will be boys, and wherever gay men congregate, there's apt to be public sex. Not that I judge it, one way or the other.

What pisses me off though, is the attitude that at least one gay man shared in his comments to Joe's post. I quote:

Back in the 90's I worked at SF Gold's Gym on Bryant, which I would judge to have had a 90% gay clientele, at the least. And yes, sex did go on the in steam room although the guys were as discreet about it as possible.
Then one day, to my knowledge the only straight member there witnessed some act of sex in there and immediately reported it to the management and the owner followed by a huge complaint, and signs were posted forbiding any act of sex in public, with threats to close the steam room.
Since there are no longer gay venues for gay men to use, where are we supposed to go to have sex in that city? Oh, I get it, we're supposed to NOT have sex, since there are no bath houses now. Yeah, sure.
I think the whole thing is a sad commentary on the repression of the gay community since AIDS.

Now tell me, what on earth makes this man think he's entitled to a place for him to have sex.

There are no places explicitly set aside for heterosexuals to go and engage in sex. We have to go to his place, her place, or a hotel. Where does this gay man get off copping an attitude of entitlement like that? I mean... geez, I'm scratching my head on this one.

My New Year's Eve ... Oy!

2007-01-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

Well, let me begin by saying two things. 1) I haven't been out on New Year's Eve since 2000. And 2) It's 9:20am 1/1/07 and I have one mofo of a hangover.

So, there's a group of people who come to my weekend karaoke shows every weekend faithfully. They're usually 5 couples. A few months ago, one of the couples stopped showing up. Then, suddenly the male half of that couple started showing up alone.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. Above mentioned said half-couple asked me if I had plans for New Year's Eve. I said no (because ... well... I didn't.) He asked if I cared to join him along with the other 4 couples for a New Year's party there at the club where I play. Being that I was into about Coors Light #6 (or 7?) by that time, I said "Yeah... why not!)

Ok, fast forward to last night. If I do say so myself, I really pulled out all the stops. I spent hours straightening my hair. I wore the quintessential little black dress, the "fuck me" shoes, the right evening makeup. I gotta say... Sybil looked hot!

So, we're sitting there and we're talking. Now, I knew this guy wasn't exactly poor, but I had NO idea exactly how not poor he is. As the night continues I discover several things.
A. This guy's a multi-millionaire
B. This guy drinks too much
C. This guy thinks I'm his childhood bedtime stuffed teddy bear
D. This guy is a dancing fool
E. This guy is MUCH too old for me

Let me try to synopsize our conversation for you...

Him: Will you come to the Bahamas with me for a few weeks in February?
Me: No, I have to work.
Him: Will you come to Daytona Bike Week with me in February?
Me: No, I have to work.
Him: Will you go to Florida with me for a few weeks in March?
Me: No, I have to work.
Him: Will you have dinner with me Thursday night?
Me: No, I have to work.... oh, you mean here? Locally? Yeah, ok.

Meanwhile, even though it was about 2am when I got in, I had to take a long hot shower so I could get his paw prints off me. I felt like there wasn't a single spot he didn't put his hand.... I HATE THAT.

Survived Another One

2006-12-26T11:01:00.000-05:00

Christmas '06 was decidedly different than Christmas '05... in a good way.

There were no tears, no angst, no arguing, no unpleasantness. Thank goodness.

There was also no joyous Christmas spirit, no warm family gatherings, no excited anticipation at what gifts might be waiting for me. No midnight mass either.

But there was plenty of delicious food, beer, and laughing.

All in all, this wasn't a bad Christmas.
Hope yours was good.

How It Went

2006-12-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

So my appointment was for 1:30, but I had to be there at 1:00 so I could fill out "new patient" forms. All of the paperwork done, I sat there fidgeting, and waited until 2:00 to be called into a room.

I was seen by a very young Nurse Practioner ... which, by the way, I'd much rather be taken care of by a NP than a doctor. Ask me why sometime, and I'll tell you.

I never left there until after 4pm. That's how thorough she was. I still need to go back for fasting bloodwork, a pelvic sonogram, and mammogram. I have a strong family history of breast cancer, and she said there is a link between the breast cancer gene, and the ovarian cancer gene... so therefore, she wants a clear look at my ovaries & uterus. Results remain to be seen.

I was happy to hear that I am almost completely through menopause, and one of the few lucky ones who apparently is breezing right through sans the typical side effects... hot flashes, violent mood swings, insomnia. Yay me!

She asked if I ever had any bouts of depression. I said, "No more than everybody else." She thought this was hilarious. I was just being honest. Do you know anybody who NEVER feels depressed? I don't.

She was extremely thorough, patient, a very good listener, and easy to talk to.

I'll say this, I'm glad I went, and I'm just as glad it's over.

EEEK !

2006-12-19T10:37:00.000-05:00

Ohm'gosh!

I decided that I'd give myself a gift for Christmas. I decided that I would get myself a gyn exam and mammogram, since I haven't been for one in twenty years. So I called for an appointment, and .......

IT'S TOMORROW AT 1:30pm.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!

I thought I'd have some time to psych myself up for it. I hate being a patient. Hate hate hate it.

Tomorrow at 1:30, think of poor me with the feet in the stirrups.

(This was probably TMI too, huh?)

TMI - I'm Sure

2006-12-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

So... they say if you make it through 12 consecutive months without a period, you're officially D.O.N.E. with them.

As of Friday, 12/15/06 at approximately 10:00pm, I made through 11 months, 3 weeks and 2 days.

THEN IT HAPPENED.

Can you say SHITCRAPFUCKOFF with me?

The good news is, I'm already done.

Oh... I met someone nice. Did I mention that here already? ( I don't even know what I've written here anymore.) We're having dinner tomorrow.

That's all.
Good night.

Scuba Santa, and Other Things

2006-12-14T10:20:00.000-05:00

This week I was in Cincinnati. Our group went to the Cincinnati Aquarium, where we had the place to ourselves. They gave us free reign throughout the place, and I really enjoyed it.

They have a Rain Forest room, where hundreds of birds fly freely throughout. If you choose to go in there, they'll give you a small container of "nectar" (which is pretty much sugar water) to lure the birds to you. Naturally, I wanted the birds to come to me. I held out the nectar, and within seconds ... whooosh.... 10 or more birds were landing on me. They were beautiful. Vibrant blues and reds and yellows. All squawking for the nectar.

While we were seated for dinner, the screen at the stage was lifted and there inside this enormaous tank, were sharks, and sea turtles and a multitude of other cool sea life swimming up to the glass. Also was a sleigh and eight sea horses. Then.... suddenly Scuba Santa and his Safety Elf sank down to the bottom of the tank.

I don't know about you, but I had to take a picture. Have you ever seen a Santa in scuba gear? No. Me either.

Anyway, this picture was taken with my phone, so if it's not all that clear, I'm sorry. But you get the idea.

In other news, I have a second date tonight. The first date was Sunday. This is pretty huge because you guys know I don't often meet someone I care to go out with a second time. So let's hope for the best, and I'll let you know how it goes.

To Stacey

2006-12-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

Stacey, I got your Christmas card yesterday. Thank you for thinking of me.

You know that this time of year is bad for me. I hate it, and I hate how it makes me feel.

Yes, I miss talking to you too. And yes, let's definately get together - after the holidays. I'm not very good company these days.

You have my number. Give me a call.

Your Friend,
-S-

Irritating Comments

2006-12-08T12:16:00.000-05:00

I found the following comment at some blog (don't even remember the name of it) which I clicked into by following a link from one of my daily reads.

Here's the comment:

"A reminder (and Studio 60 made the same mistake this week), Immaculate Conception has nothing to do with Virgin Birth. Virgin Birth is the belief that Mary gave birth to Jesus without any assistance from St. Joseph. Immaculate Conception is the belief that Mary was born without Original Sin, and thereby worthy of being the mother of God."

Now... I don't claim to be a card-carrying bible thumper, but I do know my bible stories. Shit, I've seen all the Cecil B. DeMille movies, I should know 'em.

Don't you just love it when people get on their soapbox and pontificate ad-nauseam, WHILE NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT???!!!

Virgin Birth: A virgin who miraculously gives birth to a child.
Immaculate Conception: The concept that a woman becomes pregnant through no means other than divine intervention.

I wish I knew who the pompous ignoramus is, I'd go over to his blog and slap him smart.

Oh My God... I Can't Remember !!!

2006-12-08T01:14:00.000-05:00

I've been reading over at Suicide Gurrl's blog. She's recounting her sexual encounters in chronological order (I think they're in chrono order at least)

I was thinking about that today. I realized that even if I wanted to recount my first encounter, I couldn't. I can't remember it. Can you believe that something which is supposed to be so important in a person's life was apparently so unremarkable for me that I can't remember it? That's sad, people.

Know what else is sad? I just spent the last four days in New York City, and did not have one spare moment to stroll Fifth Avenue and marvel at the Christmas windows. I was holed up in a Marriott, for the entire time, and the only daylight I saw were the few stolen minutes when I was outside sneeking a cigarette.

Next Monday I leave for Cincinnati (oh... what a hip, happening city THAT is. NOT!) and I'll be there til late Wednesday night. Watch... just because there's not a damn thing I want to see or do there, I'll have all kinds of free time.

But anyway... back to that first time... no matter how much I concentrate, I get ...

nope, nothin'.

Hmmm

2006-12-06T20:12:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Nexy for the link ... (I think ?)

You Are Death

You symbolize the end, which can be frightening.
But you also symbolize the immortality of the soul.
You represent transformation, rebirth of a new life.
Sweeping away the past is part of this card, as painful as it may be.

Your fortune:

Don't worry, this card does not predict death itself.
Instead it foreshadows the ending of an era of your life, one that is hard to let go of.
But with the future great new things will come, and it's time to embrace them.
Mourn for a while, but then face the future with humility and courage.

What Tarot Card Are You?

20 Things I Love

2006-12-01T14:44:00.000-05:00

1. Chocolate
2. Sleeping
3. Riding my motorcycle
4. South Park
5. Being right
6. Learning
7. Music
8. Paying it forward
9. The first signs of spring
10. My Bluejay named John
11. Crashing on the couch under a blanket on a rainy day
12. Scary movies
13. My niece and nephews
14. Coming home from a business trip
15. The shore
16. My first guitar
17. A New England Boiled Dinner
18. Diamonds
19. Polo-Ralph Lauren clothes
20. The Jerry Springer show

20 Things I Detest

2006-12-01T14:36:00.000-05:00

1. Liver
2 Liars
3. Early mornings
4. Traffic jams
5. Clogged toilets
6. Drop-in company
7. Rework
8. Insomnia
9. Hiccups
10. Being stood up
11. Calamari
12. Hidden agendas
13. Back stabbers
14. Rap music
15. Diva karaoke singers
16. Melodrama
17. The "C" word
18. Being kept waiting
19. Finding out my trust has been abused
20. Having dental work done

Stuff....

2006-12-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

So Tuesday I went to my hairdresser appointment. I needed a trim BADLY. I'm sitting in the chair and my hairdresser says to me, "Sybil, let me straighten your hair." So I let her.

Can I tell you? I L.O.V.E. it! I can't remember the last time I was able to pass a comb through my dry hair. It's like... I never want my curls back again. But, alas... I know it's only temporary, because after all... it's not nice to fool Mother Nature. (I guess you have to be old like me to remember that advertisement catch-phrase.)

In other news, last night I had another first date. We met for coffee. When he got out of his car, I looked up, and up, and up to see his face. I felt like I was a tourist in NYC looking up at the Empire State Building! The man is 6'7" ! I shit you not. He is attractive enough, but as we were sitting there talking, something was gnawing at me... like he was so familiar, but I couldn't place him. Then suddenly it hit me -

Ever watch Everybody Loves Raymond? Do you remember Raymond's annoying cousin, the accordion player? Well... this was him. His annoying whiney voice, his poor articulation, his annoying self-deprecating way. Eeww! Once it hit me who he was reminding me of, I was off like a prom dress.

See ya... I'm aaaaaaaallllll set.

After that, I went to do some karaoke at this place where I used to play. The DJ, (whom I've known for years) apparently took an overdose of stupid pills and was a total asshole toward me. It reminded me of 1st grade when the boy who has a crush on you picks on you and pulls your pigtails.

So he aggravated me all night long until finally I had enough beer in me to let him know that I was on my last nerve. When I told him to smarten up, he got even more obnoxious. Only trouble was, all the guys in there are friends of mine, and they saw what he was doing, and well... to make a long story short, that DJ came very very close to getting his sorry ass kicked all the way into next week. So in effect, I basically started a bar brawl. But, in truth, I didn't start it, I just fueled it.

Once the guys in there straightened out DJStupid, I decided I'd had enough commotion for one night, and snuck out the back door while the dust was still settling.

Hm... enough excitement for one night!

Albert Einstein

2006-11-26T09:37:00.000-05:00

Did I ever mention that he is my hero?

Oh sure, everybody knows that he's responsible for the Theory of Relativity, and that he was the first to split the atom (thanks alot for that one Al! Now we have nuclear power to worry about.) But did you know that he was a very profound philosopher? And also a very deeply spiritual man?

There are volumes of quotes attributable to Einstein, but my two favorite are:

1. "I know not with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but I do know that World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones."

and

2. "Only two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Dilemna Of A Sort

2006-11-26T09:20:00.000-05:00

My nephew called me last night. He told me he has a blog, and gave me the address. It's right here at blogspot (oh big surprise), so naturally I went and read it. Why else would he tell me about it if he didn't want me to read it, right?

So, I was surprised by many of the entries he posted. In some cases, I was surprised by his comical humor, and in other cases I was surprised by his obvious hurt feelings about his mother (my sister)... who, by the way, is a worthless waste of space.

So, I want to comment and show him support, but I DO NOT want him finding this blog because I just don't want him privvy to some of the information contained herein... ya know?

I know you'll say to comment anonymously, but believe me, he'll track me down by my IP address. He's an internet 007... trust me. If I let him in my world, I'll have to self censor, which I really don't want to do. Otherwise, I don't know... I just think there are some things better left unsaid between him and me. Like...ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE for instance!

Oy!

Almost Heaven

2006-11-26T09:17:00.000-05:00

Hey Sheryl...

Aren't you blogging anymore? Or do I not have your latest site address?

I see the Katiebug page, but even that's out of date! Come ON... get busy woman!

I Would Agree With This...

2006-11-26T00:15:00.000-05:00

You Are 55% Left Brained, 45% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

I think I'm well right/left brain balanced, but I have to agree that it's skewed to the left. What else is new? I'm skewed to the left about everything anyway!

Hm... How Interesting!

2006-11-25T17:29:00.001-05:00

If You Were Born in 2893...

Your Name Would Be: Kiku Terr

And You Would Be: A Prophet

If You Were Born in 2893

Just Another Day

2006-11-24T08:49:00.000-05:00

Here's hoping everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

As for me, yesterday was just another day. Oh... I went to my mother's house for dinner, but not because I was looking forward to it.

We had a small gathering for dinner; Me, Mom, my godson, my brother, my uncle, and my ex husband (she always includes him for the holidays.) We ate the expected food; turkey, potatoes, stuffing, blah, blah, blah. Had the expected desserts; pumpkin pie, apple pie, cheesecake, blah, blah, blah.

We had the prerequisite family arguing and squabbling... naturally.

And after it was all over and done, I left & came home to my dark, empty house and proceeded to cough and sneeze until I fell asleep.

Basically, just another day.

However, yesterday marked the official start of my seasonal depression. It's now officially the Christmas season, and I absolutely hate it. The music, the tv commercials, the expense, the hustle & bustle, the phony jovialness. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Each year I threaten to boycott Christmas, and each year I am forced to pretend like all the years before, that Christmas is a wonderful time of the year.

This year, I'm pretty much broke, thanks to my brother... getting him back on his feet cost me thousands... so I can't escape to a warm beach somewhere, but next year... NEXT YEAR... it's palm trees and Pina Colada's for me. Just you wait and see!

First Date No - No's

2006-11-21T23:08:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you about some of the incidents I've endured while living out my apparent Karma... One thousand first dates.

1. Listening ad nauseam about the ex wife/ex girlfriend.
2. Watching as he proceeds to get drooling, slobbering drunk.
3. Ignoring such misguided compliments as: "You are so totally fuckable." and "I like watching leave, but I'd rather watch you come."
4. Having to meet and pretend I like his entire social circle... on the first date?!
5. Being lectured to about the health risks of smoking.
6. Being asked if my hair is mine, or a weave. (It's mine by the way!)
7. Having to patiently say 'No', when asked if he can spend the night at my place.
8. Being invited to Florida, all expenses paid for two weeks in December (On the first date?!)

Oh, there's more but to be truthful, it's too depressing to write.

I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with men today? I mean, are they ALL nucking futs or what?

To be clear, there have been some first dates which didn't go as badly as those above; for instance Dude (who we all agreed didn't look like a dude), but still lacked whatever that unarticulated something we call chemistry is.

Here's another truth. I could probably have a date twice a day, every day for the next year and still not find anyone I'd be interested in.

I've come to the conclusion that, sadly, I'm simply not available emotionally. It's just that simple. And whether I want to admit it or not... and whether you want to hear it or not, the obnoxious truth of the matter is, I'm emotionally unavailable because I am still in love with that most heinous Dickhead whom we all love to hate.

I think I've come to realize that time is the only thing that will cure me. I've searched for the cure in others, and that isn't fair to me or them. Time will either kill me or cure me. I'm not sure which.

In the meantime, I am satisfied ... no, satisfied isn't the right word. I'm happy with my self imposed celibacy. It makes life much less complicated.

I think I will retire my ad.

Updating You On My Love Life.....

2006-11-13T18:09:00.000-05:00

One word about Curt: NEXT !

I had dinner with a new one last night. His name is Billy (Lord help me!) and he was very nice. I thought he was rather attractive, and he sent me a very flattering email afterward.

Let's just say, that's all I can say with any certainty. The way this thing has been going, I can't predict one way or the other which way the wind's going to blow. Tell ya what though, I'm getting pretty tired of all these first dates.

I think I should just go seduce Stellina's former boss B.D. (Shit! Another Bill now that I think of it!)

Eh... being single isn't for the weak, I'll tell ya!

Nobdoy's Perfect

2006-11-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

So, Curt is gorgeous, and sweet, and cultured... blah, blah, blah. But, he drinks too much, and he socializes with uber snotty people.

He's dinner parties for 6, I'm pizza & beer for 2. He's after work martinis, I'm after work chocolate ice cream soda. He's (about his friend) "Isn't she greeaaaat?!" I'm "Is she always so loud, or only when she's shitfaced?!"

Um, I'm going to try to work through these initial annoyances, but I dunno. My tolerance is zero.

My brother said, "Sybil, come on. He's not like you; he's a mere mortal. Mortals have faults." My brother may be slightly right. I am somewhat judgemental in terms of finding fault, but damn... I want what I want. PERIOD.

Shhhh ! It's A Secret !

2006-11-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

First - Thank you Jos, for that great big "Happy Birthday" post on your blog. You're sweet. Second, thank you Lisa for the birthday wishes. :)

Now let me tell y'all a secret.

I met a man. And not just any man. I almost want to say I met THE ANTIDOTE! (If you know what I mean.)

I wasn't going to post anything yet because I didn't want to jinx things, but what the heck - I never could keep a secret, and Que Sera, Sera... right?

So, wrap your minds around this... His name is Curt. He lives in one of the (famous) mansions in Newport. He's totally gorgeous, he's boat loads of fun to be with, he's very thoughtful, he cooks for me ! (can you stand that one?), and he seems to be quite smitten with yours truly.

Um.... can I just say.... Dickhead who???

I don't have a picture to post, but I'm working on that. In the meantime, keep this to yourselves... it's a secret. LOL

Update

2006-10-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

So it's been a little over a week since I posted anything and the biggest news I have to share is I'm officially on vacation as of close of business yesterday. Yep, that's it. Exciting, huh?

Said another way, there's nothing new going on around here.

I'm 3 days away from turning 47 - that is kinda newsworthy because I never thought I'd live to 40, nevermind beyond! I have no plans to celebrate; I think I'll just let it pass by quietly. (Or as quietly as Halloween can pass.)

There are a few other birthdays around the corner too... Stellina, both Jimmies, Sandie... all us Wicked Scorpios with our world reknowned tempers, our mile-wide vindictive streak, our legendary passion, and our ferocious loyalty! Happy Birthday to my Scorpio brothers and sisters!

In other news, D called me Thursday night out of the blue. I was like... 'Ah shit! I thought I was off the hook with this one.' But he called wanting to know why we stopped communicating. Of course, in typical Passive Aggressive fashion I said, "Because you stopped calling!" This probably wasn't a good idea because naturally, he apologized and suggested picking up where we left off. Great! Now what? It's funny; I have no problem being assertive in my professional life, but when it comes to my personal life, I lack cajones. I just can't bring myself to say buzz off... I guess I'm just not cut out to hurt feelings. So, I'm back to making excuses, and avoiding answering his phone calls. Terrible, huh? I know!

Let's see... as to Dupree; He's pretty well situated in his new apartment, which by the way, is really very nice. But, he's in whine mode lately. He feels isolated, lonely, trapped, in exile.... etc., etc., and the list goes on. My response to all that is, "Well, if you'd pass your driving test all your problems would be solved." He finds my stoic response less than amusing! Oh well. I've done all I can. He's got to stand on his own two feet now. Oh..... but not before he cost me another $500.00 this week. Let's not even go there. It still makes me mad!

My handsome and brilliant godson started his new job this week. I'm so proud of that kid. Some day I'll post about him and his no-good mother... let you all know about that abortion of a story.

My friend Ro gave me my birthday gift yesterday. It's a BEAUTIFUL leather jacket and matching gloves! She really goes too far! But I love her and her husband to death anyway!

The DJ thing is what it is. Becoming more of a job than fun. I guess it's just a busy time of year with parties and holidays and all. And I guess it's a compliment to be in demand.... but Keeerist! I need a weekend off!

Well.... boring as it all is; that's the news from here!

What I Learned From Sassywife

2006-10-18T14:52:00.000-04:00

When all else fails, make a list.

1. Suddenly my job is taking over my life. I'm all over like cow flaps, and I don't like it one little bit.
2. Dupree is in his new place, and I'm STILL driving him to and from work. He goes for his (count them...) THIRD road test next Monday.
3. My romantic life is non-existant.
4. I don't have time to take care of essential things like, having my hair done, or getting my teeth cleaned.
5. My mom is in Atlantic City for the week... visiting Bob Barker, on The Price Is Right. GO MOM! I hope she gets on the show. I have to laugh at this one because she's there with all her lady friends and I just keep picturing that "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" commercial. LOL
6. Dickhead keeps rearing his ugly head... just when you think it's safe...heeeeere he comes again.
7. D fell off the face of the earth. I guess it was my body language (or lack thereof) ... so he saved me the trouble of having to tell him 'No Thanks.'
8. My DJ work is piling up to the point that I don't have any free time on the weekends for any time soon.... which sucks. (Gonna have to do something about that.)
9. I am sooooo behind in my blog reads, which also sucks.
10. I'm going away again tomorrow. Bleh.... this sucks too.

D-Day

2006-10-14T08:53:00.000-04:00

Well, today's the day. Dupree is moving into his own place.

How do I feel about it? I feel like my mother-in-law just drove my new Cadillac off a cliff - Mixed Emotions!

On the one hand, it's been a L.O.N.G. 3 months. I've had no life because A) I have no privacy, and B) I have to be available on his schedule to cart him back & forth to work, and C) He's a supreme slob and I'm tired of putting up with his slovenly ways.

But on the other hand, he's my only brother and he's emotionally crippled which makes him less than self sufficient. I'm worried that he won't have a decent life on his own because he earns so little. I feel guilty because in order for him to make his rent, he won't be able to afford things which are no longer considered a luxury; things like a land line telephone, cable TV, Internet access. I'm sad because other than me, he has nobody else in this world to even talk to. He'll be alone all the time, and that's no way to live.

But on the other hand, he's taken advantage of me while he's been here. He does nothing to help himself without my constant prodding and nagging. Many of his woes are of his own doing.

But then again on the other hand, many of his woes are NOT of his own doing.

But then again, is it my responsibility to support him and coddle him for the rest of his days? Am I a terrible sister for insisting that at 52 years of age, he get up on his own 2 feet and at least TRY?

I am so torn over this. I actually feel ill to my stomach.

Why must I be such a bleeding heart?

-D-

2006-10-04T07:05:00.000-04:00

So, D invited me to his place last night. I went, and was shocked to find it immaculate. I mean, eat off the floor, immaculate. Right there, I was like... oh shit... I'm Oscar, he's Felix!

His apartment is very nice, and huge. It overlooks the harbor in Bristol. A million dollar view, for sure.

So he gives me a beer (Bud Lite), and I think, "Hasn't he been paying attention? I only drink Coors Lite." But, whatever. So, we sit there talking and talking. I'm killing time until I have to leave to go get my brother from work. When suddenly...
he pounces on me. And I mean, really pounces. Like a panther!

So I gently push him back, and he looks at me like I have 5 heads. He says, "Don't you like to kiss?" And I say, "Sure I do, but you're making me uncomfortable."

So, he felt bad I guess and backed off.

Then I sat there thinking about what it was that totally turned me off... and the conclusion I came to is; he's a nice guy and all, but I'm just not that attracted to him. Bottom line? I just don't enjoy the way he looks at all; and it's even less attractive to me up close.

Now what?

Catchin' Up

2006-10-02T21:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the days slip by without my noticing. I swear, I don't know where they go. Is it true this phenomenon accelerates as we age? Geez, I hope not.

Let's see...

Things are progressing with Dude, who (Stellina is right, he's not a Dude) shall be called D from now on. He seems to have been bitten by the Sybil bug. For instance, he wanted to have the "Are you seeing anyone else" conversation yesterday. I entertained the conversation because he is exceedingly sweet, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. We had dinner tonight, and he just tickles me, the way he falls all over me.

My brother is scheduled to take his road test this Thursday morning. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE....... everybody send prayers, good vibrations, positive vibes... whatever you believe in. He's going to need all the divine intervention we can muster. (He's just NOT a good driver)

My work schedule is simply OUT OF CONTROL. I'm here, there, and everywhere for the next few weeks, AND my DJ calendar is pretty full too... so, there's no rest for the wicked this month.

Which reminds me, it's almost Halloween, which is, by all accounts, my Christmas. Since I detest Christmas, Halloween is my holiday of choice, not to mention my birthday. The jury's out as to exactly how I will celebrate this year.

Also, jumping back to the subject of the brother... He's moving out of here on the 15th of this month. Not that he wants to, mind you. And why would he want to? He lives scott free, gets his laundry washed and folded, eats enough to feed an army, sleeps until noon every day, and spends the rest of his time driving me totally INSANE with his channel surfing. And believe me, there are 300 channels.... he does a lot of fucking surfing. Know what? It's time for the brother to G.O.

That is all. Hope you're all well!

Name This Crime Scene

2006-09-24T22:52:00.000-04:00

I consider myself pretty fortunate to live close by the museum where the original of this photo is on display. In fact, I was there Friday.

I have always been more than mildly obessessed with this crime. I've read so many different books on the subject.

Bottom line? I think she was innocent.

The Card Reader

2006-09-23T07:31:00.000-04:00

Several months ago, mom asked me to accompany her to see a card reader. I had nothing better to do, so I went.

The woman was an elderly French lady who did readings from her home. Her equally elderly husband and little granddaughter were snuggled up on the sofa watching Matlock in the living room, while we sat in a small den listening to our future.

The woman read from a standard playing card deck (I was expecting a Tarot card reading, but ... whatever, I was game.)

Anyway, she went through her mojo, and proceeded to interpret the cards I had chosen. She began by hitting some rather sensitive secrets right on the head. Needless to say, she had my attention. She also had mom's attention... but that's another story. I asked mom to leave the room!

The point of this post is, about half way through the reading, she began to focus on my romantic life. She nailed the (at that time) very fresh drama with Dickhead, and then went on to assure me that Dickhead would become an unpleasant memory, and that I would eventually fall in love with, and be loved in return by an engineer.

I thought to myself, "Yeah right. Where on earth am I going to meet an engineer?"

So, months and months have elapsed. My romantic life has been virtually non-existant. There's been Match.com, which has been, for the most part a joke.

Then I met Dude. (See photo below)

Of all the gazillion first dates from Match, Dude has been the most promising. He was the only man I would consider keeping around for further investigation, so-to-speak.

Dude & I had our second date Thursday night. It went famously. There will be a third date.

Oh... by the way..........

Dude is an engineer.

Babe

2006-09-21T09:22:00.000-04:00

Right after my father died in 1993, I bought my stepmother a cute little dog to keep her company. She named the dog Babe.

Good Lord, she doted on that little dog.

If the truth be told, I wasn't overly fond of Babe. She was a one person dog, and not overly friendly to anyone but my mom. Be that as it may, mom loved that dog beyond words.

In recent years, the dog's health began to fail. She developed diabetes, requiring insulin, she went blind too. Still though, the dog owned the house, and acted that way.

Yesterday, my mom called me very upset. Babe was sick, and needed a vet. I got in my car and ran down to mom's house. As soon as I walked in, taking one look at the dog, I knew this dog was a short time away from doggy heaven. I told my mom, "Ma, the dog is dying. You can't let her suffer this way." To which she immediately replied, "I will not put her down."

Anyway, we found a mobile vet who said he could be at the house in 2 hours. Sure enough, 2 hours later he pulled up in this enormous motor home (a mobile office, really)

My stepmom & I brought the dog out to the "office," and as she carried the dog up inside the thing, the vet said quietly to me, "This dog is very very sick."

The vet did the prerequisite tests; blood, temperature, etc. The exam and blood tests took about 30 minutes. As he began reading the test results, it went like this: The vet says, "Her blood sugar is off the charts, her white blood cell count is so high, I can actually see the white cells, her kidneys aren't working, she has no muscle control in her legs. She is deathly ill."

At this point, mom is sobbing. I'm holding Babe in my arms, and her little tongue is hanging out of her mouth.

The vet says to mom, "I never tell people what to do with their pets, but in this case I think you should think about saying goodbye to Babe. She is so sick, I don't think anything will save her, and she is suffering tremendously. If she were my dog, I'd do what's kindest for her and that is to euthanize her."

My mom started sobbing harder.

She asked all kinds of "What If" questions; What if antibiotics work, what if we do nothing - how long will she last, what if she just needs insulin? And on, and on.

Meanwhile, I'm still hold the dog in my arms, and she's struggling for each breath.

Finally, FINALLY my mom decides to sign the euthanize form. So, she signs the paper, and proceeds to say goodbye to the dog. This takes forever. She doesn't want to let go of the dog.

At this point, I have to get firm and insist she go inside the house. After what seemed like forever, she turned and left the mobile office and went in the house.

Now I'm still cradling the dog in my arms, and the vet is getting the paperwork done. Then he proceeds to prepare the fatal needle. As he's doing this, I realize that Babe has stopped breathing.

I said, "Um... I don't think you're going to need that needle. She's stopped breathing."

He says, "Put her up on the edam table, let me listen."

I put her on the table, he listens through the stethoscope, and as I already knew, proceeds to tell me that yes, Babe had died.

I tell the vet that he'd better go in the house and tell mom that the dog died on her own, because I knew she'd never believe me.

So, after all the wailing and weeping, I pay the vet and he goes on his way.

Now I have this dead little dog to worry about. My mom wanted her buried in the back yard. So I go in the house and find an old blanket. I lovingly wrap Babe real well in the blanket, and place the bundle out of site of the house. Then I get in my car and go to the local hardware store to buy a box and a shovel.

When I get back to mom's house, she's searching all over the place for the dog; convinced that she's still breathing, and worried that I'm going to bury her alive.

I acquiese, and show her that indeed, Babe is not breathing, and already stiff.

Now I have to go about the previously unrealized UNBEARABLY MISERABLE task of digging a grave. Let me tell you... I never realized how difficult a task it is to dig a hole 3 feet long, by 2 feet wide, by 3 feet deep.

I dug, and dug, and dug until I thought I was going to keel over from a heart attack.

Finally, I had a perfectly shaped grave dug.

I placed the wrapped dog in the box tenderly, and covered it. I asked her if she wanted to say any prayers before I put the box in the hole. She did.

Then I proceeded to lower the coffin into the hole.

At this point, I told her she probably wouldn't want to watch me fill in the hole. But she did.

And as I was breaking my back and pouring sweat, filling this hole back in, she said; "You killed my dog."

I said nothing, but continued with my job until it was finished. Then without a word, I got in my car and drove home.

I'm sure I will forgive her, but not today.

Horrifying Incident

2006-09-20T18:21:00.000-04:00

There have been uncountable incidents throughout my life which defy explanation. Things like, knowing that the phone will ring, and who will be on the other end before it happens. Or, sensing a happening, and going on the record with it; for instance, I often would predict happenings to the Dickhead only to see them come to fruition soon after. He, to this day, still calls me a witch because of it.

One incident which totally freaked me out was what happened to me when my dad died. To understand the whole scenario, you have to understand that my dad was NOT a nice person. In fact, he was a BAD person. I won't go into the laundry list here,(well... not in this post at least) but suffice to say, he created some badass karma in this here life of his.

Anyway, he was diagnosed with lung cancer on January 1, 1993. They determined that he was terminal, and sent him home. My stepmother and I proceeded to man the "deathwatch." We were there with him around the clock which was no small feat because he was also dealing with active Tuberculosis, which he had apparently be exposed to sometime during his life, but it had remained inactive ... the cancer activated it ... or so they told us. Anyway, it was an awful, AWFUL thing he went through. He lasted 13 days at home. January 13, 1993.

I had just finished shaving him, and was going about putting the shaving stuff away when he started with the Stoker's breathing. He had been non-responsive for the past day and a half and we were just doing our best to make him comfortable.

When I noticed his breathing, I knew that his time was very, very short so I just stood by his bed talking to him so he'd know he wasn't alone. He'd take one hacking breath, and then nothing, and then another hacking breath, and then nothing. Each time I thought that breath was his last, and then suddenly he'd take another. This went on for about an hour.

Well, he took one of those breaths, and as he did his eyes suddenly flew open WIDE. He look right past me; almost through me, and there was this hideous look of recognition on his face. I could see that he was completely cognizant, his eyes told me so. The look of pure fear on his face is something I will never EVER forget as long as I live. As I was waiting for his exhale, I turned around to try to see what he was looking at. I swear to you, I saw the most horrifying sight. To this day, I swear to God in heaven, that I saw Satan... and if it wasn't Satan, it was one of his minions. My father saw his fate, and he realized it too.

Finally, the last exhale came. The best way I can explain what I saw and felt is this: As his last breath was exhaled, a gush of putrid smelling blackness whirred past me INTO his mouth. It was palpable, it was smellable, it was utterly evil.

He died with that look of bone-chilling fear upon his face, his eyes as big as saucers, his mouth open in the shape of an "O." His body convulsed once, and then it was over.

When the undertaker came to get him, he tried to get his eyes and mouth closed, but could not. There hadn't been enough time lapsed for rigor mortis to have set in, but his face was locked that way.

I had nightmares about that for years, and in fact, sometimes I still do.

Supernatural ~ The First Incident

2006-09-19T08:38:00.000-04:00

I mentioned in my "100 Things" post that I have supernatural abilities. Jos has been patiently waiting for me to elaborate on that statement, soooo without further adieu, here are some accounts of incidents which have happened to me over the years.

The first memory I have of something strange happening goes all the way back to when i was 7 years old. It has to do with my mother (not to be confused with my Stepmother; who is thankfully still alive and well.)

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 2. She lingered a painful 5 years, dwindling down to less than 70 pounds, before she finally died a horrible death in 1967, when I was 7 years old.

Two days before she died, I was outside in our backyard. There was about a foot of snow on the ground. As I was tramping around in the snow, as 7 year olds do, I focused on a lump there and decided to go investigate. As I dug around in the snow, I found my mother's blue cat-eye glasses (I can still see them in my mind's eye like it was yesterday.) This was odd because even though she was deathly ill, she never EVER took her glasses off. She couldn't see without them. Yet there they were, buried in the snow. How they got there, to this day, nobody knows. Anyway, I put them in my coat pocket, and proceeded to bring them to her in her sickbed.

When I walked into her bedroom, she looked at me, and I was a little wigged out to see that she had her blue cat-eye glasses on her face. She asked what I wanted, so I reached into my pocket to give her the glasses, but they weren't there.

I guess the look on my face must have said much because she asked me what the matter was, and I told her that I found her glasses outside buried in the snow, and I had them in my pocket to give her, but now they were gone. She got very upset, and started to cry... at which point my dad came and shoo'd me out of the room.

Two days later, she died. December 4, 1967.

The night of her death, I was asleep in my mom & dad's bed. Sound asleep. My dad was sitting up at the kitchen table with all my mom's brother's & sisters (presumably planning her funeral.) Suddenly, I felt ... something .... an unexplainable something that woke me from my sound sleep. I opened my eyes, and there, sitting on the bed beside me, was my mother. She was just sort of looking at me. She wasn't sick looking at all, and it's really strange because I had no memory of what she looked like before she got sick. But there she was, looking healthy and robust. She smiled at me, and told me she loved me, and would always watch over me. And before I could say anything, she simply faded away.

I got up out of bed, and went to the kitchen where everybody was gathered and proceed to tell them all, "Mommy just left. She told me she loves me." Well, naturally, they all wigged out and pretty much shook their heads in that "oh you poor little thing" kinda way. I wasn't the least bit scared, upset, or anything other than peaceful and very calm. They, however, were not.

One month after her funeral, there was a memorial mass at her church. This church had a prayer rail at the very front, just below the altar, where the nuns usually took residence for their daily prayers. We (the family) were seated about 4 rows back from that prayer rail.

So, I'm sitting there between my dad, and my grandmother, and I say to my dad... "Dad, why is that lady kneeling at the rail between the nuns?"
He says, "What lady?"
I say, "That lady there. She has short brown hair and a suede coat."
My grandmother pipes up and says, "You see a lady there at the alter with short brown hair, and a suede coat?"
I said, "Yes. Don't you?"
My dad says, "What does the suede coat look like?"
So I describe the coat.
NOW... they both turn milk white, and my dad says, "That's your mom."

To me, it made perfect sense, because I had already seen her after her death, so I waws not at all upset by it. The lady at the altar never turned around, and she never moved while I was in the church. She just knelt there perfectly still.

Later that day, at the kitchen table, my dad & grandmother were telling my aunts & uncles (who were sitting behind us in church) what had happened.

My dad said, "She described the suede coat I gave Eileen when were dating. That coat has been long gone for years... Sybil never saw that coat."

To be continued

Dupree

2006-09-14T19:50:00.001-04:00

..... is not doing well with his driving lessons!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!

Fifty First Dates

2006-09-13T19:28:00.000-04:00

So you guys know I belong to an online dating site.

I'm telling you, it generates ALOT of activity.

Anyway, on to my point. If I haven't had 50 first dates, I haven't had one. I'm here to tell you, first dates are hard work. You have to partake of all that witty conversation, the "tell me about you" bullshit. You have to make sure the conversation doesn't falter... Heaven forbid there's dead air during a first date. You have to avoid certain foods, because Jesus on a stripper's pole... if you eat broccoli, you just know it's going to end up right there between your two front teeth! And at the end of said first date, there's that awkward moment when neither of you knows whether the other one would like to go out again.

So why do I keep going on first dates?

Because I have the "But What If?" syndrome. It goes like this: I'm thinking on my way home from first date, "Yes he was nice. Um... he was ok. Er, he wasn't THAT great. What if there's somebody out there better suited to me? What if I stop searching now, and my soulmate is the very next one? What if this one turns out to be (and here you can fill in any number of lame excuses not to go out on the second date) boring, crazy, baggage laden, a stalker... and on, and on.

Having access to SO many single men who all are advertising for company, is like giving a kid a hundred dollars and sending them into a penny candy store. They're going to be in there all week, and have a helluva hard time making decisions!

In order to quell some of this madness, I've decided to have a second date with Dude, whose picture you see below... because he's very sweet (as I already mentioned) and because he's persistent. In other words, he keeps calling. He can't be all bad right? I mean, he's persistent enough to try to rope the wind - namely, me!

You've GOT To Be Kidding Me !

2006-09-13T08:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was catching up on some blog reading. Among the many 9/11 posts, there was a very poignant first-hand account of 9/11/2001, written by a very talented blogger from NYC.

As I read the post, (which was filled with this blogger's photos of the actual mayhem)I felt as though I were actually there... in the chaos, in a state of confusion and fear. It was an amazing post.

Then I opened the comments... of which there were 48 (as of yesterday.) Among the comments, this one was posted:

"No, no one should ever forget the horror of 3,000 people dieing in the US during the attacks on 911. Nor should Americans forget that they killed 80,000 civilians in Hiroshima during the largest terrorist attack of all time. We should learn from both tragedies."

I read this comment and thought to myself, "Are you fucking kidding? Who in their right mind can compare ending World War II, to Bin Laden's unprovoked attack on the U.S."

I'm no history major, but if I recall my high school sophmore year, I'm pretty sure I read that Japan attacked Pearl Harbor which brought our fighting beyond Hitler & the Nazi's and fighting to save all of Europe from genocide, into Japan for well deserved retalliation.

And maybe I'm crazy but, if Truman hadn't had the cajones to drop that bomb, who's to say how much longer the U.S. would have been embroiled in battle on two continents? Americans dying in Europe and Asia to save the world from two evil madmen?

How can Hiroshima and 9/11 EVER be compared?

What I want to know is, what the fuck was that commentor thinking???

I Almost Forgot !

2006-09-05T09:14:00.000-04:00

Geez... how could I forget to tell you all this one?!

On Friday of last week, I received in the mail a very official looking letter, on Harvard letterhead.

It says;

"Dear Ms Sybil, we are pleased to inform you that you have been named as this year's recipient of the prestigious "Who's Who Among American Business Women" award.

It then goes on to describe what an honor this award is, and in whose company I will be, and when the gala award ball will be.... blah, blah, blah.

I wrote back and said basically... 'Thanks for the honor. Just send me the plaque and the money.' I'm not much for balls, you see, they require gowns and what not.

Well, my brother (you know... my Dupree?) he thought that was simply unacceptable, and how could I possibly not want to take my "15 minutes of fame."

He doesn't get it.

I don't do it for the glory,
I do it FOR THE MONEY!!!!

Something Different

2006-09-05T08:39:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I met him yesterday. He's from that dating site I joined.

I had cooled it on that site for a while, figuring that I needed to give it a break to change my luck.

So this guy... he's 2 years older than me, but he looks 10 years older. He rides this big, obnoxiously noisy (but pretty) bike... and he is as sweet as the day is long.

When I first saw him in person, I felt a little let down; I mean, he's no Mel Gibson, but as I started talking to him, and spending a little time, he sort of grew on me.

Anyway, we met for coffee, which turned into having dinner together, which turned into catching an outdoor concert on the waterfront, which turned into taking a ride on his big noisy bike, which turned into going back to his house (on the water) to watch the fireworks. A bunch of his friends rode up on their bikes for the fireworks, and we all sat around "Ooo'ing, and ahhh'ing" and laughing... lots of laughing. All in all, it was a really nice (and long) date.

***
On a different subject, Sunday night I went out to karaoke with my ex husband. It wasn't a date, we just both wanted to go, so we rode there together. Well, an hour or so into it, the little place really filled up (being a holiday weekend and all) and there were many young, attractive girls there.

LOL....

So, my dear ex husband says to me, "Sybil, do you have to sit beside me?"
I said, "No. Why?"
He said, "Are you kidding? Look at all these beautiful girls. I don't want them to think we're together."
I laughed. I said, "No problem. You're on your own." Then I went to the bar and the hottest guy in the place moved right in on me, and we had a grand old time. Meanwhile, dear old Ex scored ZERO for the night.

I call that POETIC JUSTICE!

LOL

Ok... Now I'm Pissed!

2006-09-03T15:25:00.000-04:00

Ya know... I always said this blog wouldn't be about His Royal Assholiness, the big fucking bully that he is.

I never wanted this place to be about the fuckwad, or his fire-breathing eyesore wife, or their immensely obnoxious, spoiled rotten spawn.

HOWEVER...

Now I'm pissed!

What I don't write about here is that since last Christmas Eve (count 'em... that's 8 fucking months now) he's been just enough of a pain in my ass that I can't seem to get a new life started. Just when things start going well for me, he surfaces, and causes all kinds of grief for me, or whomever I'm with. So far, none of the men I've dated have wanted to deal with a 250 pound lunatic (and I shit you not about the 250 lbs, nor the lunatic part!) and why should they?

This past Friday night, was the frosting on the cake.

I would not take his phone calls. I refused to speak with him when he showed up live at my show. When I got home from working early Saturday morning (like... 3am) I turned on my televsion and got nothing. So I called the cable company and they told me there was a problem in the area and things would be fixed by Sat @ 6am.

Saturday 10am came, and I still had no cable tv, nor internet service, nor telephone service (I had called from my cell phone initially)

Still not thinking anything about it, I agreed to have them send over a technician. And by the fucking way... I had to go all day and night Saturday with no tv, and no computer. The tech guy showed up today at around 11 am.

He came in the house, saw there was no signal coming in, and went outside. He was out there 1 minute when he called me to come outside.

He said, "Do you have an enemy?"
I said, "Why?"
He said, "All the wires have been cut."

I was like...... DUMBFOUNDED.

Now this technician was someone I've never met before. And he says to me,

"Listen, this is not my business, and you don't know me but; you look as if you know exactly who did this. This is the kind of shit that qualifies as stalking, and whoever did this is not normal. Normal people don't do this sort of thing. You really should report this to the police, and take measures to stay safe."

NOW....... when a total stranger tells you shit like that, you tend to listen.

I made a trip to the local police station. I did not mention that I was being stalked because I had other plans. I requested an application for a License To Carry. I got all the necessary information and guidance on how to go about the process. Then I came home and enrolled in the prerequisite safety/training course which takes place the 27, 28 of September. Once I complete the safety training, I will then pay my $100.00, hand in my application which states I have never been convicted of a felony, blah, blah, etc... meet with the Firearms Safety Officer, and then GO BUY ME A FUCKING HANDGUN AND HOLSTER.

To FUCK with him.

I will NOT live in terror.
He will NOT terrorize me!

I Knew It !!!

2006-08-26T08:11:00.000-04:00

nexy said...
52. I have traveled to every state in the U.S. except Alaska, Idaho, & Nebraska

i've been to nebraska. the state motto: "nebraska; bring something to do".

"The 5 instruments I play are; guitar, bass, banjo, steel pedal guitar, and keyboards."

i think i may have been you, and you me, in a previous life. i also play (or used to - i always say that i used to be a musician, but now i'm just an instrument owner) guitar, bass, keyboards, drums, and the recorder. all my life, i've had this compulsion to play steel pedal guitar - now i know why.

54. I love to ride my motorcycle, but everytime I get on it, I wonder if that's the day I'll die on it.

i think that i'll either die on a motocycle, or in a plane crash - either way, i know that i'll die in fire. i think i'd rather die on a motorcycle - it's closer to the ground, and carries much less fuel. and besides, they are so much more fun to ride than a plane. and so far, it's the only activity i've found that's actually better than sex.

87. I love Nashville, TN

this was my second choice of places to live, after phoenix, az, where i am now.

you know, if we actually meet, it might set off some kind of matter/anti-matter annihilation thing. perhaps that's the fire i see in my own death.

12:06 AM

Nexy, let me tell you.... I have always had a bone chilling fear; to the point that it used to be a nightly nightmare - that I will die in a fire. In fact, sometimes I would actually sit and cognizantly consider whether dying in a fire, or drowning would be worse.

When I enter a new place, whether a club, a theater, a restaurant, someone's house... the first thing I do is establish for myself where the exits are... ALL the exits.

I suppose a shrink would have a field day with me, but I suppose a psychic would be more accurate.

This Might Cause An Accident!

2006-08-23T14:26:00.000-04:00

'Nuff Said !

In Answer To Lisa......

2006-08-21T16:37:00.000-04:00

Lisa posted a comment to my "100 Things" list:

Writer said...
insightful. you've been through a lot!
care to elaborate on #83?

#83 says, "I will not date black men."

Interesting that you zeroed in on this Lisa. Interesting because in the past, I've questioned myself on this too. My neverending question to myself is, "Sybil, are you a racist because of your dating preferences?"

After years of introspect, the answer is a resounding No. I am in fact, not racist. The truth of the matter is, I am simply not attracted to black men; in much the same way that I'm not attracted to blonde, or redheaded men.

Why then, one could ask, didn't you note that you will not date blonde, or redheaded men in your list?

That's a fair question.

The answer is, because stating publicly that I will not date black men relieves me of my self imposed guilt for not wanting to date black men.

Does that not make sense? Let me try to explain...

To my way of thinking, if I have no qualms about freely admitting that I won't date a black man, then I most certainly must NOT be racist, and am simply stating a dating preference.

...... Me thinks I doth protest too much.......

Which brings me back to my age old nagging question.....

Am I a racist?

I hope not.

Idea Stolen From.....

2006-08-19T09:45:00.000-04:00

Stellina (who doesn't want to be linked!)

When all else fails, make a list!

Here are 100 things about me. ME.

1. I am 46 yrs old
2. I was born on Halloween
3. I am a quintessential Scorpio (with all it implies)
4. I am generous to a fault
5. I am therefore, often taken advantage of
6. I have a freakishly high I.Q. - 169
7. I am a member of Mensa
8. I have a dozen tattoos
9. I have been married 3 times
10. I am not embarrassed by that
11. I had a very lousy childhood
12. I don't use my lousy childhood as an excuse to fail
13. I have an older brother, and a younger sister
14. I haven't spoken to my sister in 3 years
15. I don't intend to speak to her ever again
16. I feel closer to certain friends than most of my family
17. I experienced my first broken heart at the age of 46
18. I travel extensively due to my job
19. I will retire at the age of 50
20. I will be a multi-millionaire when I retire
21. I am worth MUCH more dead, than alive
22. I am convinced I will die young
23. I've already lived longer than I expected to
24. I was molested as a child
25. I have 4 god-children
26. I haven't seen the youngest in 2 years
27. I love to sing
28. I weight 123 lbs, but when I look in the mirror, I see fat
29. I don't have an eating disorder
30. I drink Coors Light when I'm out drinking
31. I like to dance, but I don't because I'm self conscious
32. I lost the love of my life in 1987 to Cancer
33. I still miss him
34. I drive WAY WAY too fast
35. I am a terrible passenger & backseat driver
36. I can swim like a fish, but I have a fear of the water
37. I accelerated through high school & graduated at 15
38. I don't recommend doing that
39. I have 1 undergrad, and 3 post grad degrees; none of which I use in my job
40. I didn't finish paying off student loans until I was 42
41. I got married at 17 (the first time)
42. I don't regret not having children
43. I am a loyal friend
44. I am not a loyal wife
45. I am often mistaken for gay, but I don't know why
46. I am in the process of having 3 tattoos removed
47. I am unhappy more often than not
48. I know why, but as yet haven't found the strength to change things
49. I have a ferocious temper, but it takes a lot to get me there
50. I am slightly O.C.D.ish
51. I print like a typewriter. Small, even, perfectly uniform.
52. I have traveled to every state in the U.S. except Alaska, Idaho, & Nebraska
52. I have been to 12 European countries, and Japan
53. I hate traveling now
54. I love to ride my motorcycle, but everytime I get on it, I wonder if that's the day I'll die on it.
55. I've always been obssessed with death & dying
56. I at one time planned on being an undertaker
57. I have psychic abilities
58. I blame that on being born on Halloween
59. I am currently celibate by choice
60. I love New England Boiled Dinners. It's my favorite meal of all.
61. I truly enjoy DJ'g. DJ "S" is my alter ego
62. I believe I am a very VERY old soul
63. I believe that my karma is just about complete, and this is my last go-round
64. I have green eyes, but wear blue contacts
65. I'm looking into having a facelift
66. I smoke, but wish I didn't
67. I was completely faithful in my last relationship, for the first time in my life
68. I was treated like shit in return
69. I have all my teeth
70. I have a name tattooed on my lower back which I'm about to have covered up
71. I joined an online dating service
72. I have yet to meet anyone "normal" from it
73. I play 5 instruments
74. I pay my ex-husband alimony
75. I'm planning a trip to Florida to meet someone I've never spoken live to
76. I read Stellina's blog faithfully, because I was living vicariously through her antics.
77. I actually understand Einstein's theory of relativity - this makes me somewhat of a freak.
78. I once had a lesbian fall in love with me - I had no idea she was either gay, or in love with me
79. I broke her heart - and ended the friendship
80. I used to have a propensity for dating married men. I'm OVER that.
81. I've always been attracted to older men, and still am today
82. I have a friend who was once a prostitute, and she brags about it to everyone
83. I will not date black men
84. I gamble too much
85. I would like to get married one more time - for the last time
86. I am seriously thinking about leaving New England
87. I love Nashville, TN
88. I've always wanted to work for Disney
89. I am still operating on Windows 98 on my personal PC
90. I think Nexy & I knew each other in a previous life
91. I have seen ghosts
92. I will not allow an Ouija board in my house - they're evil, and I've seen one work
93. I eat only chocolate ice cream
94. I am a fantastic cook, but I refuse to cook for one
95. I don't have a primary care doctor. I need to get one.
96. I often wake up feeling badly hungover, even though I didn't drink the night before
97. I have a mean streak, which I work hard to keep squelched.
98. I have a memory like an elephant, and if you screwed me, I'll never forget it
99. I am fascinated with different religions
100.I read the bible for it's literary content, not it's religious content

Catchin' Up

2006-08-07T12:48:00.000-04:00

Well... here it is Monday, and I'm draggin' ass like you read about. I think it's abundantly clear that I overdid it this weekend. Too much food, too much beer, too much everything.

This morning I had to get up at the crack of dawn to take my Dupree to his first day on the new job. He has 3 weeks of training - days. 7:30-3:30. Then after that he starts his regular shift- 1:30-10pm. That I can deal with much easier.

He & I are both waiting (impatiently) for that apartment to become vacant... the one that's right near his job. When it becomes available, he's OUTTA HERE... and we won't be lettin' the screen door hit him in the ass on the way out.

After I got back from delivering Baby Huey to work, the Ex (Quasi) called needing a ride to drop off his truck for brakes. I picked him up and delivered him to his destination, then he called back and said he needed another ride to go get the truck at noon. I just got back from THAT jaunt.

It seems like that's all I'm doing today- playing taxi!

Yesterday I was supposed to meet Stellina & her husband to go on a motorcycle ride. I never got there. Instead, I had WAY too much to drink at the birthday party I went to first, and then..... forget it, no way could I ride a bike. In fact, it wasn't until an hour ago that I even realized she had called me yesterday. Talk about being out of it! Sorry girl!

Today the weather's not so great. Hot & humid, and looking like rain any second. Can't take the bike out in this. I hate getting caught in the rain on the bike. It hurts!

I have some live nibbles on my dating service thing again. What's funny is, this morning I got an email from this dude I went to high school with. I recognized him, but he didn't recognize me (probably because I don't post a picture!)... and I had to laugh because I couldn't stand the prick then - I sure as hell ain't interested now... 30 years later. Pfft! But there are 3 or 4 others that I'm kind of interested in. So, we'll see what this week brings.

I've got a trip this week to Cincinnati. When I get back from that, I'm going to plan the trip to Florida to meet the Captain. I'll fill you in.

Saturday night I was invited to the officer's club at the Newport Naval Base. Wooohooo! Talk about an over abundance of hunky hotties. And all of them officers! My my my... I sure had a good time. That's all I'm sayin' about Saturday night.

Well.... I've got 2.5 hours until Sybil's taxi service needs to go and pick up Dupree. Think I'll use the time to take a well needed nap.

Ciao~!

Bleh !

2006-08-02T20:27:00.000-04:00

Man! This heat has me so I don't want to do a blessed thing. Even sitting still in front of the air conditioner it's hot!

My Dupree is STILL here.
This is the sum total of his day:
1. Get up at the crack of noon.
2. Stink out the bathroom.
3. Feed his face.
4. Plop his immenseness on my poor living room chair.
5. Channel surf ad-nauseam.
6. Feed his face.
7. Channel surf some more.
8. Feed his face.
9. Go to bed.

And it's exactly the same, without variation, day in and day out. I'm ready to commit murder!

This morning I got out early and went apartment hunting for him (because LORD KNOWS he won't do it himself.) I found something perfect. A ten minute walk from his job, nice one floor applianced - heat & electricity included. $775.00 per month. I think it's perfect... only thing is, it won't be available until the end of September.

My FRIGGIN' LORD! How am I going to make it til the end of September?

Meanwhile, my personal life is just as boring and messed up as it was the last time I blogged. Yay me.

I'm still planning on making that trip to Florida, but it looks like it's going to have to wait until September due to work schedule conflicts.

My buddy's back in Acushnet, so I'm going to TRY to get together with her & her husband for a motorcycle ride this Sunday... weather permitting.

I just renewed my subscription to Match. Things are considerably slower for me there than they were the first time around. I'll chalk it up to everyone being busy and active because it's summer. Although, with this heat, I can't fathom how anyone could want to do anything except lay flat on their back and try not to generate more heat! Shit... even blogs are not being updated. It's just too damn hot for anything.

Ha! How D'ya Like That!

2006-07-25T23:20:00.000-04:00

You Are An ESTP

The Doer

You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second.
You love being the center of attention. Chances are you were the class clown.
Competitive, charming, and charasmatic - you have your own code of honor.
You live a flexible lifce, bouncing between a series of activies that interest you.

You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur.

What's Your Personality Type?

For the record... My official title is; Regional Director Of Marketing
How d'ya like them apples!

Get A Load Of This Shit!

2006-07-25T17:21:00.004-04:00

I've copy/pasted the last few posts from the asshole's blog for you all to see.

It fucking amazes me the shit that he writes about me. Especially since he's the one who needs a full body lift. The fucking old windbag!

*edit*

I decided against reposting his shit verbatim. There's no need to publicize his vomitous spew. Suffice to say, he's spending all his energy writing about how wrinkled I am, how grey my hair is, how terrible I sing, and how boyish my ass is.

All this from a bald headed, paunch bellied, broke ass, Greaseball Wop prick who has to cut 6 inches off the legs of his 38W x 29L discount jeans.

When I first met him, he was wearing a raggedy-ass sweater that looked old enough to vote, and blue jeans that came half way up his (decidedly undersized)calves. He had a cheap $4.00 haircut which, when you considered the number of hairs left on his head, was too expensive.

In the years I ran around with him, all the hundreds of dinners, vacations, day trips, etc., he never ONCE reached into his pocket. Never ONCE picked up a single tab. I paid for clothes, jewelry, tattoos, lobster dinners, digital cameras, ... you name it.

Unbelievable! This loser fuckwad, (who is old enough to be my father btw) is writing incessantly about how old and ugly I am.

I'd love to unload a double dose of Sybil's patented Razor Tongue on him, but then I'd have to admit to him that I'm reading his spew, and I can't bear to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's frosting my ass.

He needs to die.

Gonna Do Somethin' Crazy

2006-07-25T16:56:00.000-04:00

Visiting here and reading me frequently, (with the exception of Stellina, who knows me in person,) do you get a sense of who I am and what I'm like? Do you get a feel for my level of common sense?

Do you think I'm level-headed, or do you think I'm impulsive, and impetuous?

Well, whatever you think, I've made up my mind to do something completely out of character, and possibly quite crazy.

I'm jumping on a plane, headed to Florida to visit someone I've never met.

Don't try to talk me out of it. I'm going.

Remember negative optimism? .....

I know it's crazy, but at least it's risky!

In This Morning's Health & Fitness Online.....

2006-07-24T08:12:00.000-04:00

Muffin Top: Excess belly fat that puffs out. Usually seen on women wearing, low-rise jeans and short shirts
Cankles: When there is no distinction between the calf and the ankle
Doughnut: The fat that lies around a woman’s navel (and the belly button makes up the hole!)
Wings: The bulge formed around the bra pushing excess fat above and below the fastening strap
Buffalo Hump: Upper back fat
Banana Fold: Excess fat below the butt
Chubb: Kneecap fat

Um.... weren't all these terms first heard on Seinfeld?

I've Got A Dupree

2006-07-23T13:31:00.000-04:00

A new term in today's vernacular: Dupree - An unwanted, no end in sight, houseguest.

My brother is here. And when I say he sits around the house, I mean he really sits around the house.

He sleeps until 1-2pm every day. He eats more than a plague of locusts. He is only now getting the idea that I won't tolerate him not showering (now if I could only get him to change his clothes daily!) He commandeers my television. He snoops in my personal things. But more than any of that, what annoys me the most is, he's perfectly content to just sit in that chair (when he's not in bed) and never EVER move. He just sits there, and channel surfs.

What am I going to do? I can't stand having him here!!!!

Jos Asks "Why?"

2006-07-14T11:48:00.000-04:00

Jos asks why am I unhappy (see meme below.)

Here is my answer Jos. And by the way, thank you for asking.

I am unhappy because I can't seem to fall out of love with a person who is poison, and who won't remove himself from my realm long enough for me to get over him.

I'm unhappy because I've had to open my home to my brother whom I simply cannot live in harmony with.

I'm unhappy because I spend most of my free time alone.

I'm unhappy because most of my unhappiness is beyond my control.

I just figure I'm going through a very low astral cycle, and I keep waking up each morning and hoping that will be the day it's finally behind me.

One Word Meme

2006-07-14T07:27:00.000-04:00

Taken from Sassywife:

Y O U … C A N … O N L Y … T Y P E … O N E … W O R D !

N O … E X P L A N A T I O N S !

1. Yourself: Resourceful

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: Not

3. Your hair? Curly

4. Your mother? Dead

5. Your Father? Dead

6. Your Favorite item?

7. Your dream last night: none

8. Your Favorite drink: Pepsi

9. Your Dream Car: Z4

10. The Room You Are In: Den

11. Your Ex: Friendly

12. Your fear: Spiders

13. Where do you want to be in 10 years: Retired

14. Who you hung out with yesterday? brother

15. What You’re Not: mean

16. Your Best Friend: none

17. One of Your Wish List Items: flatscreen

18. What makes you happy: peace

19. The Last Thing You Did: pee

20. What You Are Wearing: shorts

21. Your Favorite Weather: warm

22. Your Favorite book: horror

23. The Last Thing You Ate: sandwich

24. Your Life: unhappy

25. Your Mood: stable

27. What are you thinking about right now: this

28. Your Crush: none

29. What are you doing at the moment: this

30. Your summer schedule: busy